Wanted: Savior

My nose is bleeding.

Not because I’ve been in a fight, or am up on some super-high mountain or anything. No, my nose is bleeding because I’ve blown it over 1,000,000,000 times in the last hour and its innards are so raw and cracked that even looking at it in the mirror causes blood to flow from it like a waterfall. What I need now isn’t another allergy pill, or a softer tissue, or even sympathy. What I really need right now is someone to cure my allergies because I’m about ready to run amok with a gun on the city streets until someone finally puts me out of my misery. My allergies are so bad right now that I’d rather eat sand and poop glass than blow my nose just one more time. It’s so bad, really, that I am going to go to my room, stick tissues in my nostrils, cover my bloodshot eyes with a wet towel and cry myself to sleep.

Somebody save me, please?

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