I need new underwear.

Just a little while ago, as I was sitting on the toilet, I happened to glance down and noticed that my tighty-whities had a hole in them about the size of a quarter. Right in the middle of the butt. One might think it a little strange for me not to notice a hole like that when I first put them on this morning but really, I don’t think anyone reading this Blog is all that surprised.

Especially since we’re talking about me.

Anywaste, after bowing my head in shame for a bit, I decided my best chance for redemption was to simply go to my stash of clean underwear and change into a non-holey pair. Unfortunately, since I am still living out of suitcases and plastic covered boxes, the only other clean underwear I could find also had holes in them.

Big, gaping, I’m-under-attack-by-killer-moths holes.

So now I’m thinking about going out and buying some new underwear except that if I do buy new underwear HoBiscuit will want to buy herself some new clothes and by the time we’re done shopping we’ll need a new apartment just for all our new clothes and we won’t be able to pay for the kitchen remodeling we’re doing in this apartment. It’s a conundrum, alright, and I’m paralyzed with indecision, because wearing holey underwear feels wrong but going commando makes me feel all flippy-floppy. So I’m having an internal debate over whether I should buy more tighty-whities or if I should go with the newfangled fitted boxer-briefs I’ve seen in the stores, because even though I like boxers I just don’t think I could handle that much freedom.

Hey, what’s with all the gagging?

Life is very hectic right now.

I know I promised you some pictures earlier this week, but I have a really good excuse as to why I didn’t post them or even post anything until today. No, really. I do. I’m not kidding. Seriously. Wait; just stop rolling your eyes and listen, ok? And no, this time radioactive squirrels are not involved, although I don’t see why you didn’t believe me last time when I told you they had sneaked into my apartment at night and scotch-taped my eyes shut so I couldn’t see and thus couldn’t post anything.

It took me hours to figure out I wasn’t really blind.

Well, this time I’m afraid my reasons are a bit more mundane. You see, work suddenly picked up and then got crazy. Really, really crazy. As in working for 18 hours straight for three days in a row, crazy. And, just when we thought we were almost done with the kitchen, the contractor doing the work just stopped showing up. Don’t worry though, he’s back and working again now, but I guess he decided he needed a few days rest before tackling the hardest part of the remodeling work.

You know, like actually doing something.

Anywaste, I’m being forced to travel for the next week for work so this Blog will once again go stagnant until I return, unless these four guest writers decide to say something while I’m away. (hint, hint) I plan on returning FULL FORCE on Monday, October 11th with all new stories to entertain all of my faithful visitors. Even better, sometime before the new year I will be doing some major remodeling right here on The Mighty Geek. And have no fear; I promise I won’t be using the contractors who are currently destroying my kitchen when I redesign TMG. So stay tuned true believers, the GeekMan you’ve all come to know, loathe, pity and despise will return.

And maybe this time someone will notice.

I’m moving.

And since I’m moving I’m not going to be able to update as often as I would like so, for the first time ever, I’m handing over the keys to TMG to some friends of mine. They’ll be trying to keep all three of my visitors from abandoning me during my absence. And hopefully they’ll be more entertaining than I’ve ever been and everyone will come back to visit TMG even after I take over again.

But I’m not holding my breath.

Anywaste, I hope everyone has a wonderful two weeks while I’m offline. I’ll be back on Septemeber 7th with what I’m sure will be a boatload of new and funny stories to tell about moving, kitchen remodeling, contractors, family and, lest we forget, my brother’s wedding.

Have fun kids!
GeekMan

P.S. – Bread’s betting that TMG will get more visitors while I’m away than I’ve ever gotten before which will only prove to the world just how big a loser I really am.

…

Crap. I think he’s right.

And you still don’t care.

But don’t cry for me, Argentina. My life isn’t so bad. I’ve got a fast internet connection, a cupboard full of Cup ‘O Noodles and a tv that loves me no matter how many times my nose has a sudden flash-flood and liquid snot drips out before I can reach the tissue box.

Whoops! That one was a tsunami.

Anywaste, while I’m laying about killing time until this cold/infestation works its way through my system YOU should be sending in your questions to Bread so he can ridicule you with innane and insulting answers tomorrow. Just send an email with the subject line, “The Mighty Question” to bread at the mighty geek dot com.

Oh, and ladies? His invitation still stands.

He who dies with the most toys, wins.

So, you wish you had a video game system as ‘leet as mine but every time you go to the ATM you realize that you don’t have a bazillion dollars to spend to get it? Well, don’t sit there crying about how unfair the world is! Get up off your keister and sell your soul, and the souls of up to 5 of your close friends, to Lord Satan and you too can get some or all of your dream home theater for FREE!

Plus shipping and handling.

For example; let’s say you wish you had your very own video gaming system but can’t seem to save the shillings necessary to buy one. Well now, thanks to the kind people at Gratis Internet, you can have one for free! Just go to Free Video Games dot com, fill out the soul-purchasing form on their website, sign up for one of their offers that will take you a lifetime to get released from, and then agree to accept any and all spam for the rest of your natural life.

Oh, and get five more idiots friends to do the same.

What’s that you say? You don’t want a regular, plain old X-Box? You say that in order to make selling your soul, and the souls of a few friends, worthwhile you want to have a special, limited edition X-Box? Something no one else on the planet would ever knowingly allow into their home? Preferably in ugly, puke-ish neon green? Well why didn’t you say so in the first place?!

Free Green Machine has got you covered!

And now you’re probably wondering how useful a brand new free X-Box will be when you don’t even have a game to play, right? Well, don’t you get yourself into a lather because Get The Game Free has a surprise for you!

That’s right! A Free Limited Collector’s Edition Halo 2 game!

Oh, but now I bet you’re thinking, “I’ve got this fricking awesome machine and the most awesomely great game ever, but I don’t have a TV to play it on.” Don’t you fret because you can get yourself a free TV or flat panel LCD screen over at Free Flat Screens!

I bet your sporting wood now, huh?

But wait, as the late night commercials say, there’s more! Shock. Gasp. What if you really wanted a surround-sound system to compliment your free home theater? Well, I thought you’d never ask! Now, while it’s true that the people over at Gifts For Nothing aren’t guaranteeing you a free surround-sound system, they are giving you the chance to win one! And really, what’s better than getting an entire home theater gaming system for the low, low price of your, and a few of your friends’, souls?

Nothing, that’s what. Absolutely nothing.

Where’s Raid when you need it?

This week GeekHaüse has been infested with the most insidious type of household pest known to humankind. This particular infestation comes almost without warning and cannot be eradicated by any known or unknown insecticide, poison, trap, napalm, nuclear radiation or congressional committee.

The in-laws are visiting.

That’s right, Mr. and Mrs. Geek are playing host to HoBiscuit’s mom, dad, sister, sister’s husband, niece and two nephews for the rest of this week which means that updates to this website might be a little sporadic this week. However, at the very least Bread assures me that he will be answering reader-submitted questions once again this Friday. So, if you have any philosophical questions of Great Worth, or even if you just want to know your horoscope, don’t hesitate to shoot Bread… an email. You can send your question to bread directly at; bread at the mighty geek dot com. Be sure to have “The Mighty Question” as your subject line or Bread might not answer your question.

Yeah, he’s a Rule-Nazi. What can you do?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to bone up on my Halo skills or my nephews will once again humiliate me with an ego-crushing defeat. It’s bad enough that they can kill me without even trying, but I really think their father should teach them not to point at my tears of shame and chant, “Loser, Loser! Uncle Geek is a big, stupid loser!”

And then they make me do the Crybaby Dance Of Shame.

Early morning phone calls are never good news.

At 2:15 this morning I got a phone call informing me that Mr. Hentai was in the hospital. Apparently he fainted or collapsed last night for no reason whatsoever and his girlfriend made him check into the hospital for testing because she was worried about him, even though he wanted to shrug it off and go back to bed.

Good for her. Him? He’s a schmuck.

Anywaste, today I am going to do nothing but think good thoughts and well wishes to Mr. Hentai and I ask that each of you please do the same. I don’t know what happened, and I won’t know until later this evening, but any and all well wishes would be greatly appreciated. I’m hoping that it was nothing but fatigue, but you never know, you know?

Hey, he’s my best friend, need I say more?