Vomit Comet
Posted on July 30th, 2008
Does not the title of this post give away it’s content?
Poor, poor Mighty Baby. When I took her to the bathroom mid-flight to change her diaper yesterday, she took that opportunity to tell me that her tummy hurt. But since she can’t talk yet she lodged her complaint by projectile vomiting. Now, I don’t know how familiar you are with airplane lavatories, but let me state her for the record that they are small. So small, in fact, that there is absolutely no possibility of dodging when something wet, stinky and full of raisin chunks comes hurling at you no matter how fast your reflexes might have become thanks to hours and hours of playing Wii Shooting Range games. Once it all came up she felt better, of course, so I cleaned her and the bathroom up as best I could and headed back to our seats so HoBiscuit could hold her and tell her everything would be all right. Of course, the way I smelled no one was willing to hold me and tell me everything was alright until I got home and washed the stink off of me.
And we still had two hours before we landed. Phew!
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Flying Mighty
Posted on July 29th, 2008
The Geeks are flying home today.
We can only hope HoBiscuit and GeekMan survive with their dignity and sanity intact after 10 hours in the air and one airplane switch in Dallas when traveling with The Mighty Cranky Baby. Cross your fingers for us, folks. We’ll need it.
And so will our fellow travelers.
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Fishfone Follies
Posted on July 28th, 2008
Did you know cell phones can’t swim?
Funny story. We decided to bring The Mighty Baby to the pool this weekend so she could try swimming for the very first time, and also so HoBiscuit and I could cool off from the hotness that is Arizona. We were all excited to see how TMB would react to her first swim and as soon as we arrived we all jumped in. TMB was enjoying the water and, even though she was cautious, she didn’t cry or got scared except that one time she tried to lay down and realized that she couldn’t breath underwater and choked. That made her scream bloody murder for five minutes, causing a few concerned looks from other parents, who I think were hoping someone would make their day and give them a reason to call child services.
I think one of the ladies actually had them on speed dial.
Anywaste, after about half an hour of swimming I decided to sit down at the edge of the pool and watch HoBiscuit and TMB swim around for a while. And that’s when I realized that in my haste to enter the pool with TMB I had forgotten to empty my pockets of all the wonderful toys and important artifacts that I normally carry in them. The car keys were one thing, a little water wasn’t going to cause them any real damage. The few dollars in my pocket that HoBiscuit had allowed me to have would also be none the worse after drying them out. But, hey. What’s this thin, squarish object in my back pocket…?
Oh. Crap.
Yeah, so my cell phone, which was the hight of cell phone tech about a year ago, is now nothing more than a broken toy for my baby girl. Even worse than being without a phone for a few days is knowing that since that phone didn’t have the ability to sync with my computer all my business phone numbers are now gone. Poof, just like that. But there is good news, of a sort. Since HoBiscuit and I had the same cell phones, we just went to a local Verizon store and had them switch her phone to my number.
And then I bought her a new phone.
Well, it WAS my stupid mistake so why should I get a new phone and leave her with the “old and boring” phone? Since I couldn’t really argue that point, I thought it best to get her what she wanted, which in this case was the Blackberry Curve, and let her enjoy taunting me with how cool her new phone is compared to my “old and boring” phone. Until the Blackberry Bold comes out in January, that is. Because as soon as I can get that thing, I’m going to hold it up in her face and do the Geekgasmic Happy Dance of Superior Technology.
It’s not pretty, but it sure will be fun.
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New Hotness
Posted on July 23rd, 2008
Arizona is hot.
No, sorry. It’s not just hot. It’s really, really HOT! With a side order of caliente. Now, I like hot weather as much, if not more than, the next guy, but I don’t like it when the temperature reaches over 85 degrees INSIDE the house I’ve got to sleep in. Now, you’d think that when someone lives in the modern age and has access to the technological wonders of both central air conditioning and electricity, they would USE them to make their homes more comfortable, wouldn’t you? Especially when they have guests, right?
Well, not if we’re talking about my in-laws, I guess.
I now understand that my mother-in-law wasn’t trying to make a joke last week. You see, she’s gotten so used to the heat here that any temperature below 80 is truly considered cold enough to freeze grain alcohol and warrants two layers of clothing and possibly a hat. Since we’ve gotten here, she’s been constantly sneaking around behind us turning off the ceiling fans because she’s cold. Meanwhile, HoBiscuit, the MightyBaby and I have all been sweating so heavily that you can tell where we’ve been by following our footstep-sized puddles. Well, you could if they didn’t evaporate so fast. And the next person to say, “At least it’s a dry heat.” is going to get a swift kick to the nads.
Unless they bring me an icy, cold drink. Then they get a kiss.
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Of Airplanes, Babies & Walmart
Posted on July 21st, 2008
Flying with a baby is not fun.
On the plane to Arizona Saturday, MightyBaby behaved pretty well. She cried only a little bit and fussed only when she was hungry or tired. Unfortunately for HoBiscuit and I, MightyBaby didn’t like the idea of sleeping in flight and it took a lot of effort to get her to calm down and sleep instead of trying to walk at 30,000 feet or climb over the back of the seat of the guy trying to read his paper in front of us. When she finally went to sleep the flight attendant asked us if we wanted to celebrate with some alcohol… on her.
People applauded as we left the plane.
Actually, it wasn’t really that bad and MightyBaby was good for almost the entire flight. No screaming fits or bawling tears for her. She just fussed a little bit when she couldn’t get comfortable whenever we tried putting her to sleep. All in all, it was a very easygoing and mostly enjoyable trip. Except for needing to change her poopie diaper at 30,000 feet in the teeny, tiny bathroom compartment during turbulence.
I don’t think my hand will ever be clean again.
Now that we’re in Arizona though, we had to go to where HoBiscuit insisted all the locals go. That’s right, a Walmart Supercenter. When we first got inside I thought HoBiscuit would go into apoplectic shock. The store was huge! With dozens and dozens of choices of each type of item you might ever want. As an example of how in awe she was of Walmart, I give you the bacon aisle. When HoBiscuit saw a literal WALL of bacon, with about 50 choices of brand and another 5 or so choices within each brand, I believe she actually had an orgasm. She couldn’t stop talking about all the lovely, sweet bacon they had. And at such amazingly low prices.
Our actual conversation went something like this;
“OK, HoBiscuit. Your eyes are so big right now, they’re going to pop out of your skull. Let’s try to reel in your glee at being in such a big place a little and focus on the stuff we need, like diapers, baby food, some shampoo…”
“ZOMG!!! BACON!”
“Oh, dear lord.”
“GeekMan, look! Their bacon shelf space alone is bigger than our entire supermarket is back home!”
“Honey, we really need to get what we came for and get back to your parents’ place before the MightyBaby misses you and starts crying.”
“You aren’t listening! This is a Wall of Bacon!”
“Yes, yes. I heard you the first…”
“NO! Listen to me. This is Bacon! A giant, superhuge aisle devoted to sweet, succulent, tasty bacon. And it’s all so cheap!”
“I know how much you like bacon, but…”
“This is… [sob] it’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” [snif]
“Are you crying?”
“No. No, I’ve just got something in my eye.”
Well, at least I know where to take her on our twentieth anniversary.
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