So… I’m still an idiot.

Here I am trying to get my Blog back together and I’ve discovered that even though WordPress, my new Blogging software of choice, is awesome and cool and… (how do you kids say it? Ah yes..) L337, I just can’t seem to figure out exactly how to set it up the way I want. I have this L337 new design with awesome-L337 colors and wicked-L337 graphics but I can’t figure out how to make it all work with WordPress’ L337 template scheme. (Is that too much use of the “hip” way of spelling “elite”? Is there such a thing as overuse of “hip” terminology? By using the word “hip” have I just proven that I’m not L337? Yes? Damn.)

So, I’m looking for help.

I’d really appreciate it if anyone out there who understood how to take a design and properly implement it as a WordPress template would be willing to explain it to me in minute detail, and maybe help code it, too. Because, you see, I’ve tried the online help articles and even though I’m beginning to understand how WordPress works, there are some things that I want to do that I can’t seem to figure out at all from reading the FAQs. Things like creating a separate Archives page with drop-down lists of Dates and Categories. Or a separate search page with choices for searching posts, comments, posts and comments or the entire web. Or creating a permalink icon with rollover effects that won’t break in last year’s browsers.

You know, simple things like that.

I have answered the question!

Of course, now that I’ve made such a bold and yet cryptic declaration you’re probably sitting there wondering what question I might have answered that’s so all-fired important that I’d break the silence of this here website just to bother you about it. Well, the question I have finally, definitively answered is one that has plagued Bloggers for millennia and for the sake of future scientific research I feel that it is necessary… no, VITAL that I share my newfound knowledge with you, the unwashed, uneducated, unmotivated, plebeian masses. Prepare yourselves, for this knowledge will shake the very foundation of your core beliefs and leave you a jiggling, weeping mass of organic matter unfit for human contact for at least 11 seconds. Possibly more, depending on how much fiber you’re getting in your diet. But never mind all that noise, on to the question!

What would happen if a world famous, devilishly handsome, intelligent, sexy and most beloved Blogger disappeared from the internet for 6 months with no explanation whatsoever?

Well, after six months of intensive research into this matter I have an answer. The answer is…

“Eh.”

More to follow.