Days Go By

Whoo-boy, have I been busy.

The last couple of weeks have been fairly crazy for me, but now that I’m finally back to a somewhat more normal schedule my posts should ratchet back up from ‘never’ to ‘infrequent’. This announcement of my pending return to somewhat regular posting should make you smile in a way that clearly conveys to me that you’re merely humoring my delusional belief that someone out there actually cares whether I live or die. Now you should be heaving a mighty sigh of martyred resignation as you pat me on the head and tell me how much you missed me.

Go on, lie. I’m so pathetic I’ll believe you.

Anywaste, many things have happened during my absence but none of those things are very funny so I won’t bother to mention them here since doing so would probably bore you all to tears. Instead, I think I’ll just wish you all a happy Halloween and end here with the understanding that I’ll try harder to be funny tomorrow when I’m not at a clients office party dressed up as a woman’s giant, hairy naughty bit with a name tag that says; “Hi! My name is George.”

Hey, a fur coat and a pink bodysuit is so a real costume!

Crazy Days Ahead

It’s getting’, it’s getting’, it’s getting’ kinda hectic.

Just so you don’t worry, I’m telling you now that the next couple of weeks might be a little busy for me, which means that this site might not be updated as often as it normally is. Even more important, I may not have the time to carefully craft a witty and humorous post for you until things calm down for me.

Awww… That’s sweet, but there’s no need for tears.

Now, if I were the kind of person who believed in good luck gestures I’d ask all of you to cross your fingers or something, but luckily (heh) I’m far more pragmatic than that and will simply ask that each of you send me a hundred bazillion shekels instead. No? Well, then, I guess the finger crossing will have to do.

Cheap bastards.

GeekMan: StudMuffin Extraordinaire

Death by embarrassment.

I don’t know what’s come over me, but for some reason I feel the need to once again publicly ridicule myself. And I can’t think of a better way than by showing all of you a picture of myself at a weak moment in my youth when I actually believed I was cool.

You might not remember, but I did write a story about the fiasco that followed this particular picture so if you feel so inclined you can read it and laugh at me. Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.

OMG. I just realized… I was King Dork, wasn’t I?

GeekMom; The Queen Of Guilt

Sunday. 7:19am.

[ring. ring]

“Mmmhello?”
“GeekMan, it’s your mother.”
“OK. Hi mom. Wassup?”
“There’s a message I don’t understand on the thing and I need you to fix it.”
“…”
“GeekMan? Are you there?”
“Mom, you do realize that it’s 7:20 in the morning, right?”
“What does that have to do with my problem?”
“Nothing. But it has a lot to do with my problem.”
“Oh? What’s your problem?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“How can I be your problem?! I’m your mother!”
“Mom, I was sleeping.”
“Well then, get up. It’s beautiful outside.”
“You are very, VERY lucky I don’t own a gun…”
“GASP! That’s no way to speak to your mother!”
“grumblegrumblemutter…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing mom. Now, what’s the problem?”
“There’s a message-alert thing on my computer.”
“What’s it say?”
“Your virus protection subscription has expired.”
“OK, no problem. All you need to do is pay for another year of subscriptions and update the software.”
“Oh. Is that all?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I thought I had become infected or something.”
“No. You’re fine. Just click on the button that says ‘update subscription’ and follow the instructions.”
“OK. Thank you. You’re such a good boy.”
“Can I go to sleep now?”
“What? You don’t want to talk to your mother?”
“Mom, I was sleeping…”
“You never call me and whenever I call you you’re always so busy that you don’t even talk to me.”
“Mom…”
“You take me for granted, you know.”
“Mom…”
“We haven’t spoken for three whole days and you don’t even care.”
“MOM!”
“What?”
“Stop it with the guilt! It’s 7:30 on a Sunday morning! All I want to do is sleep!”
“Well, fine! But you really should get up and take your wonderful wife out on this beautiful day…”
“Mom, HoBiscuit is still asleep.”
“Oh, then you should stop making so much noise and let her sleep. She works so hard…”
“Mom, I’m going to hang up now.”
“Isn’t that always the way? I try to talk to you and you shut me out.”
“Goodbye mom.”
“Lazy, good for nothing…”

[click]