Haiku-alicious

Posted on September 13th, 2006

When life gives you lemons wear goggles.

I know most of you, heck ALL of you, don’t really care about my real life, but I’m going to tell you a little about my week so far just because it’s driving me crazy so I might as well bring you along for the ride. And you know what? Just because I’m going a bit crazy, I think I’ll tell you using Haiku!

New PhotoBlog site
CSS, HTML
Soon to be revealed

Must buy new laptops
Money flows and disappears
Like flushing toilet

Work, work, work, work, work
Interfering with my life
Yet without, I cry

Searching for or not
Brother, best friend and trouble
Always together

Grandpa hospital
Anxious worry, hopeless fear
Better soon, we hope

I’ll be back as soon as I can.

Filed under Breaking News, Poetry, Quickie | 4 Comments »

The Loser Patter Song

Posted on August 9th, 2006

I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe
I’ve written words of mockery, parody and comedy
I know my place in this world, so I post my past historical
From Barbizon to riding bikes, in order categorical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mostly mythical
From D&D to Spider-Man and Bread so egotistical
About website designing I am teeming with a lotta news
With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use

With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use
With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use
With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use

I’m very good at black & white and even color photographs
So famous in my own mind that I’m always signing autographs
In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe

In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe

I know our Blogging history; GreyMatter, Blogger and MT
In answer to monotony I’ve argued with anatomy
By questioning my cognizance I create my crazy omnibus
My misanthropic messages make hurtful humans humorous

I can misinform my minions using ancient haiku Japanese
And set the stage to write the scene of begging sex upon my knees
Then hum a happy tune of which I’ve heard but once or twice before
And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor

And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor
And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor
And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor

I leave for you this catalogue of my manic mental mayhem
Where I’ve written every detail in the hopes that you’ll enjoy ‘em
In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe

In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser called The Mighty Geek!

Filed under Poetry | 1 Comment »

The Lunch Song

Posted on July 12th, 2006

La-la-la! I’m not listening!

For some reason, this made-up song has been in my head for the last hour or so. In the hopes of stopping the madness I’m posting it here for the whole world to see. Maybe, just maybe, sharing it with you will shut up the voices in my head long enough for me to actually eat. Enjoy.

I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!

Eat, eat, eat!
Meat, meat, meat!
Order in or hit the street?

Leftovers are oh so smelly
Need to put food in my belly
Look in fridge what do I see?
Nothing good inside for me

I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!

Should I get some nice Chinese?
Or, how about some Japanese?
Mexican, Vietnamese
Thai, Italian, Portuguese?

Choices, choices everywhere
I can’t decide, I’m in despair!
I need to eat or I’ll waste away
Where the hell to go today?!

I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!

Holy crap, I’m hungry.

Filed under Poetry | 2 Comments »

Olde School TMG Rap

Posted on May 25th, 2006

Sung to “Paul Revere” by Beastie Boys

Now here’s a little story – I’ve got to tell
About three bad psyches – you know so well
It started way back in history
With Ex-Boxx, Crusty Bread, and me – M. G.!
I had a little Bloggie called The Mighty Geek
Just me and my Bloggie and my jokes so weak
Writing stuff so sad – Killing my fans
As they left my site in droves cause I sucked so bad

One lonely psyche I be
All by myself without nobody
A Geek sitting down on my ass so fat
My head was getting hot – my jokes were going flat
Making a sandwich – I ran into a guy
His name was Crusty Bread, I said, ‘Hello.’ – He said, ‘Die.’

He told a little story – that sounded well rehearsed
Four days in the fridge and that he’s dying for mirth
A fork was in his hand – and pointed at my neck
With angry voice and reddened eye – he stabbed my intellect
He said, ‘Can you write some?’
I said, ‘I can’t write none!’
Had a chance to run
He stabbed me in my bum
Quick with the pain – I thought I was dead
He put the fork to my head and this is what he said,

‘Now my name is Crusty Bread – I’ve got a cure for your plight
I think you know what time it is – it’s time to joke write
Now what do we have here – a GeekMan and his fear?
I run this brain, you’re dumb and lame – I make myself clear?’
We stepped up to the screen – I had to cry, he had a grin
You think this story’s over but it’s ready to begin

‘Now I got the fork – your time is through
You got two choices of what you can do
It’s not a tough decision as you can see
I can stab you to death or you can write with me.’
I said, ‘I’ll write with you if you can make me more funny
The jokes I write now make me sound like a dummy
I write about this – I write about that
I write about it all and it’s crap
So… I’m out of fun – my readers have run
Right about now – I fear my site is done
And The Mighty Geek – that is my name
And I know my mind’s shattered and I’m going insane.’

We wrote for six hours then we hit the Box
The guns were blazing and the missiles were hot
The Box was sexy like a girl at eighteen
My brain took notice and created the scene
Crusty Bread said, ‘Yo Bub, you know this chick?’
I said I didn’t, but I know he did!
The chick said, ‘Get ready ‘cause this ain’t funny
My name’s Ex-Boxx and I’m the GeekMan’s honey.’
Pulled out the Halo – held it to the sky
She yelled, ‘Halo Rocks!’ – As I just sighed
She stood up and my jaw hit the floor
She wasted no time in giving me more
‘I’m Ex-Boxx and I get respect
Your love and adoration is what I expect.’
Crusty Bread was with it and he’s my ace
So I grabbed the computer keyboard and I wrote her into place
The funny story’s out – the lameness stopped
Your fav’s are weak – if I get dropped
Ex-Boxx for the sexy – Crusty Bread for the bold
I’m for all Geekies – now the story’s told

Filed under Poetry | 1 Comment »

And This Time I Really Mean It

Posted on July 5th, 2004

Well true believers, GeekMan’s got some bad news.

Due to my amazingly full work schedule I’m going to be flying to Chicago today to be a good little graphics monkey and make enough money for HoBiscuit to buy herself a new pair of shoes, and the accompanying walk-in closet to go with them. What that means for you my loyal readership is that I’ll be gone for yet another week, but if my visitor logs are any indication then neither of you will really care.

I don’t even think Momma Geek will notice my absence.

In order for the world to fully comprehend my agony over leaving all of you unattended and humorless for yet another seven days, I originally wanted to express myself in the only way I believed could truly capture all of my anguish, heartache, fear and despair. But since no one would have been able to see my interpretive dance, I’ve decided to use a different style of expression more in keeping with this computerized medium. So sit back and prepare yourself for my awe inspiring and almost Shakespearian display of Crane-Style Emotive Blogger Haiku.

Yeah BOY-eee. I got mad haiku skilz.

Early morning flight
Work has GeekMan by the nads
Updates shall suffer

Readers bow their heads
Hot chocolate made sweet with tears
Heaven holds no warmth

Another week gone
Sadness envelopes the world
Until The Return

Mark your calendar
There will be great rejoicing
On Monday the twelfth

That’s right. You just got poetry served.

Filed under Breaking News, Poetry, Traveling | 5 Comments »