Did you see this?
Well, I did. And although there were many worthy quotes that made the list, there were also far, far too many that shouldn’t have been there at all. Not that they weren’t good quotes in and of themselves, but a lot of them have been surpassed by more recent movie quotes or aren’t nearly as relevant as they have been in the past. Plus, no matter how great the quotes were, some movies had far too many to be fair.
And that’s where I come in.
This week I’m going to be posting my own version of the top 100 movie quotes of all time. In some respects my own rules are a little more lenient than the AFI’s, but in other ways I’m a little more critical. For instance, I will only accept ONE quote from any single movie. That means that Casablanca will only have one quote on my list instead of the 6 it has on the AFI list. Also, no matter how influential the quote was in the past, if it is no longer relevant or part of the common consciousness of the general public, then it won’t be on my list.
So, “Hasta la vista”, Soylent Green.
Starting tomorrow I’ll begin posting my top 100 movie quotes of all time in installments of 25 per day. If you have a favorite quote that you’re afraid I might overlook and would like me to include it on the list, tell me. Leave me a comment here with the quote you like and the film it appears in and, depending on whether I agree with you or not, I’ll put it on the list. And if it just happens to be on AFI’s list, that’s ok too. But not if it’s from a pr0n movie. “Uh… oh baby, yeah.” Is not acceptable as a quotable movie quote, and I don’t care how many times you’ve said it in your life.
You hear me, Bread? No pr0n quotes! None!
“It’s not that I’m lazy… It’s that I just don’t care.” – Office Space
“Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” – High Fidelity
And of course…
“This is insanely great! It’s got a 28.8bps modem!” – Hackers
From Young Frankenstein:
Inga: Care for a roll in ze hay?
_______
Again from Young Frankenstein:
Dr. Frankenstein: My, what big knockers.
Inga: Why thank you, doktor.
_____________
From Best in Show:
Sherry Ann Cabot: Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it’s very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say ‘oh but he’s so much older than you’ and you know what, I’m the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.
__________
And again from Best in Show
Sherry Ann Cabot: It was a shitbox.
I have too many to know where to start. So, instead, I’ll add a “whatchutalkin’ ’bout, Willis?” for the Soylent Green dis. Whaddya mean, “hasta la vista”?? EVERYONE knows “Soylent Green is made from people!” I don’t get how that couldn’t be listed.
Kay Adams: Michael, you never told me your family knew Johnny Fontane!
Michael: Oh sure, you want to meet him?
Kay Adams: Yeah!
Michael: You know, my father helped Johnny in his career.
Kay Adams: Really? How?
Michael: …Let’s listen to this song.
Kay Adams: [after listening to Johnny for a while] Please, Michael. Tell me.
Michael: …Well when Johnny was first starting out, he was signed to this contract with a big-band leader. And as his career got better and better he wanted to get out of it. Now, Johnny is my father’s godson. My father went to see the bandleader, with a contract for $10,000 to let Johnny go, but the bandleader said no. So the next day, my father went to see the bandleader again, only this time with Luca Brasi. Within an hour, the bandleader signed the release, with a certified check of $1000.
Kay Adams: How did he do that?
Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.
Kay Adams: What was it?
Michael: Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured the bandleader, that either his signiture or his brains would be on the contract.
Kay Adams: …
CAN’T…. RE..SIST……. ARGH!
Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon Dynamite: Heck yes! I’d vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, you have a sweet bike. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.
In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day…
Captain Jack Sparrow: “But why is the rum gone?”
– Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
(Well, pretty much any of Captain Jack Sparrow’s lines would qualify. But I’m quite fond of that one.)
And of course, my mantra…
Dante Hicks: “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
– Clerks
“You know Mrs. Buckman; you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car. Hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father. ”
– Tod Higgins in Parenthood