“What the heck?”
I stared at the tiny, hard, white and rubbery thing that I had just coughed up in consternation. I didn’t remember eating anything like what I was holding in my hand, and since the offending object had somehow managed to crawl up from the depths of my esophagus without my noticing it until it began its tickle torture on my uvula, I wanted to know what the hell it was before I smooshed it between my fingers and tossed it in the trash. What can I say? After being forced to watch Joe Millionaire last night I was feeling particularly vindictive.
Yeah, I’m petty. So what?
The offending object had the color of dirty milk and, by the way it had managed to ravage my throat as it made its escape from my windpipe, an outer shell made of equal parts sandpaper, old leather and ground glass. It was about the size of half a grain of rice, but squashed flat with a small lump in the center. Kind of like it’s nucleus, so to speak.
Rolling it between my fingers had no effect on its shape.
I started listing everything I had eaten in the last few days in my head trying to figure out what this alien embryo was made of. After about half an hour I found that I was making myself hungry but was still completely flabbergasted and no closer to identifying my mystery throat ejaculate than I had been before I began. Shrugging mentally, I flicked the offensive piece of detritus off my hand and continued on my way, determined to put it completely out of my mind.
But the little bastard was not to be gotten rid of so easily.
All day, no matter what I’ve been doing, thoughts of that unidentified piece of crap have been running through my head. I know I’m not the only person to ever have something like that come out of their mouth because I’ve actually asked people and it seems to have happened to almost everyone. Everyone seems to agree that they’re annoying but no one, and I mean no one, has any idea what the name of the damn things are, or what they’re made of.
Not even my doctor friends.
So, now that I’m unable to sleep because I’ve been too busy doing internet searches for ‘white thingie you cough up’ I figured I might as well ask my loyal readers if anyone else out there has ever had the misfortune of discovering one of these little bastards clinging to the back of their tongue. If so, what the hell was it and what do you think it was made of? Oh, and by the way, I’ve taken the liberty of naming them just so I can stop coming up with clever ways of saying ‘hard, white thingie I coughed up from my throat’. From this day forward these tiny minions of evil shall be known throughout the world as Throat Scabs.
Copyrighted and Trade Marked by The Mighty Geek. Patent Pending.
Just like Pinger©™®.
*** Update ***
Due to the amount of traffic this post has garnered by those who are afflicted with these horrible Throat Scabs, I have decided to no longer allow comments on this post until someone has actual medical knowledge to impart that has not yert been discussed. If you think you have something important to add to this topic, please email geekman AT themightygeek DOT com and I’ll add it for you if it is relevant.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to write about their troubles with tonsilloliths, and their homemade remedy’s.
*** Update 03/08/04 ***
Thanks to a wonderful girl who seems to like green flowers, and who apparently wishes to remain anonymous, I was pointed towards this article which may help those of us afflicted with this horrid, horrid nuisance.
*** Update 06/09/04 ***
A kind gentleman named Roland from New Zealand sent us a link to this website which carries a product called BLiS Throat Guard that he claims helped solve his Tonsillolith problem. Roland says;
I had this problem for 50 years and finally found something that works. It is called Blis Throat Guard, developed at the University of Otago and on sale in New Zealand, I do not know about other countries. The best I can figure out how it works is like thinking of your throat and mouth as a microscoptic garden with bacteria growing all over it. The first step is to weed out the garden of bad bacteria and then replant with good plants) bacteria. Take a look at the site they have on the net and see if they sell overseas yet.
Thank you Roland!