Send Help!

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Hello?

Dang it! He planned it this way, so that all three of his readers would be out of town at the same time. Curses!

Oh well, for posterity’s sake, I’ll relate how I got stuck inside this fricking blog. Someday when they dig through the remains of the internet, the alien invaders that will have taken over the planet by then will know of my fate. (And care about as much as you do, I suppose. *sigh*)

It all started on November 7, 2002. That’s when Geekman left the following comment on my blog:

Bread is upset about not being designated Overlord of an Evil Minion Master Day. When I patiently explained to him that in order to become one he would have to overthrow the current Overlord, he issued the following statement;

‘I challenge Michele and Bill to a no-holds barred Bikini wrestling match in my personal Honey Filled Cage of Rage for Minion Master rights on their designated days. Winner rules all. Call Ticketmaster for tickets and showtimes.’

Needless to say, neither one of them took Bread up on his offer. He blamed me, of course. And ever since that day, his rage has burned deep in the pit of his dark, yeast-filled heart. He vowed never to rest until I was toast.

He finally found his opportunity this week. Pretending to be my friend Geekman, he asked me to come over and blogsit for him. I thought it odd that he’d need someone to keep this sorry place warm. But I really should have known something was wrong when he asked me to bring a roll of duct tape and an 8×10 color glossy of David Gates…

Instead, I blithely wandered into his clutches. And now I sit here typing meaningless words into a useless blog, hoping against hope that someone out there will read them. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s no different than any other day, but that’s not the point! The point is that Bread won’t let me go until a pair of beautiful volunteers agree to a no-holds barred Bikini wrestling match in my his personal Honey Filled Cage of Rage.

Anyone?

Rats.