Saying What Can’t Be Said

I don’t have anything to say.

No, that’s not right. It’s not as if I don’t have anything to say tonight, not really. It’s just that even though I have a whole lot I want to say about my recent trips around the world, due to my personal rule to never openly discuss work on this site, I just can’t. Yeah, I know it’s crazy, but I like to keep my promises.

Even the stupid ones I make with myself.

So, ermmm… just what the hell can I say about my trip? Well, I was worked like a medieval peasant in the fabled Salt Mines of Pret-Zel until I nearly collapsed from exhaustion. I got to meet Solonor and his lovely wife on the one night I was allowed to roam the earth unshackled. Uh, I got to see big, cold, dark ballrooms in foreign cities. They looked much the same as our domestic-type ballrooms actually, so they weren’t all that impressive. Seen one fancy hotel ballroom and you’ve seen them all, I say. Well, I also say that space llamas from the planet Zyz’z-vortkl IV are roaming the earth in human guises stealing teeth in their grand master scheme to take over the universe, but does anyone listen?

Noooooo!

No one ever listens to me. Just because my Wizardly Robes of office happen to look a lot like a ratty, old flannel bathrobe and my membership card to the Order of the All Knowing Beholders of Mystical Mayhem and General Works of Wonderment is cleverly disguised as a Subway ‘Buy Six, Get One Free’ card people just don’t take me seriously. I mean, it’s not like I voted for the stupid robe colors or anything. And honestly, back in 1488 we thought they looked really cool.

Even the Stonemasons envied our keen sense of style.

Ahem. So, I can’t really tell you all about the work I did but I can talk about the one thing I got to do while I wandered in strange cities throughout the world. What would that be, you wonder? Well, wonder no more because I will tell you right now what I did with the few meager hours of free time I had instead of sleeping.

I went shopping!

Oh, yeah. I shopped like a damn fiend! I was a fricking shop-demon. The Mack Daddy of Blue Light Specials. Not only did I shop, I haggled! The prices I managed to get were so low, they were practically giving them all away! I bought myself a hand made silk suit and two matching silk shirts for under $450 American. I bought a name-label coat for less than 1/5th it’s US value. I bought remote controlled cars, dresses for HoBiscuit, hand carved stone dragons and hand made fans, jewelry & glass bottles. But the greatest treasure I brought back on my trip?

Mao pocket watches.

That’s right. Can you believe it? Mao pocket watches. It has got to be the coolest Geek toy I currently own. Not only is Mao on the watch, but he’s frickin waving in time to the ticking of the seconds going by! I’ll try to get a picture up tomorrow, but let me tell you, this is one cool watch. Now, whenever someone asks me what time it is, I’ll whip out the watch and ask, “What does Mao say?”

Sometimes I’m such a Geek I even scare myself.