OK, this one’s for the men out there.
Let’s say you go to the bathroom to do your business and when you’re done you wipe yourself really, really well. So well in fact, that the next time you go to the bathroom, which just happens to be after a particularly spicy dinner of nuclear tacos and jalapeño poppers, you notice that there is a piece of toilet paper fuzz that has attached itself to your nether-regions in such a way that you simply cannot take care of business without first removing said piece of TP fuzz. Let us also hypothesize that this particular piece of TP fuzz is holding on to every damn hair on your butt as if its very life depended on it.
And, just for giggles, let’s say you REALLY need to poo.
Now, keeping in mind that this has of course never happened to me, I find myself, for purely scientific reasons of course, interested in the actual process one might use to remove this hypothetical anal invader with as little pain as possible before ones sphincter exploded due to pressure buildup. Think about it. Perhaps due to your overwhelming desire to be thorough in your cleaning duties during your first visit to the ‘office’ you so vigorously wiped yourself that this theoretical butt gremlin actually became fused to the hair down there. Yanking it out has already proven to be too painful and you now believe that nothing short of the Jaws of Life will ever clear the way for you to freely poo again. So, hypothetically speaking guys, what exactly would you do to clear the way?
And please, type fast. There’s somewhere I really need to be right now…
Not that it every happened to me, but a fresh, wet washcloth would be the way to go. Unfuse the TP from the hair, remove it, explode, then use the washcloth to bring relief to the disaster area.
What? Your spouse won’t fix this for you? What kind of horrible arranged marriage have you gotten yourself into!!
Move to Europe. They have bidets.
The true solution is apparent.
Forget it. Use the opportunity to use the obstuction to your advantage.
Like the fire hydrants of old, the paper is NOT a blockage, but a strategically placed apparatus to diffuse, break up and otherwise help SPRAY ejecting matter.
All you really need is an open window.. why ruin a good toilet, when you can share this neat process with passers-by?
I just don’t even want to know how you discovered it was there.
Where I come from, the phrase is, “just for shits and giggles.” Nice revision you made, considering the dilemma discussed in your post.
“Ive still got the greatest enthusiasm for the mission Dave and I want to help you… stop Dave…Dave…my mind is going