It might interest you to know that I am an idiot.
I don’t mean to imply that I’m not smart, or that I can’t do math or comprehend words that are more than two syllables long because that simply isn’t true. What I’m trying to say is that even though some people consider me to be a smart guy, I still do so many stupid things on any given day that it’s amazing someone hasn’t taken it into their head to simply put me down for the good of the human race.
Take this morning, please.
There I am on the train, headed into the city for work when a guy boards and begins a well rehearsed little begging schpiel, telling everyone that he wasn’t begging to buy drugs or anything and that he just needed a few dollars to get something to eat. Normally I don’t give handouts because you never really know if the money will do any good, but this morning I was in a good mood and thought that I’d give the guy a dollar. Especially since his speech included a little song and he actually seemed happy and cheerful while asking for a handout.
Nothing like a little smile from a beggar to make you feel good in the morning.
So, as this guy is walking down the train towards me with his hand out, I reach into my pocket and pull out a dollar to give him. At the same time that I’m doing that I realize that I need to blow my nose, so I also take out a tissue and blow. I then put the dirty tissue in my pocket, the dollar into the beggars hand and I exit the train since I had reached my stop and needed to get off.
And all was good in the world.
Until, that is, I reached a garbage can and reached into my pocket to throw away the dirty tissue and I realized that instead of having my disgusting used tissue in my pocket I had a perfectly clean crumpled up dollar bill.
Oh. Crap.
So, let’s recap my morning commute, shall we? Wanting to be a good person I decided against my better judgment to give a handout to a poor, unfortunate soul but instead of supplying him with the means to purchase something to eat I unwittingly gravely insulted him by handing him a slimy, wet and disgusting newly used tissue. If I ever see this guy again, if he doesn’t kill me on sight, I think I’ll have to buy him a fricking new car to make up for my thoughtless act of immense stupidity.
Oh dear lord, I am such a schmuck.
Yeah, that was pretty damn schmuckworthy.
It’s been 8 days since he posted this. Must’ve run into the guy again.
RIP Geekman. I hope your pummeling to death at the hands of a panhandler was quick & painless.
well at least you didn’t sneeze into the dollar bill. now you can take that dollar and donate it to one of those charities who set up tables on the sidewalk.
i find if i’m feeling really guilty, there is nothing like running into the nearest Petco and dropping a five dollar bill to help all the orphan kitties and doggies. guilt gone!