Life Happens

But I know you don’t care.

So, instead of reciting to you the actual laundry list of boring, mundane things I did this weekend, I thought it would be more fun to tell you all the things I imagined I did this weekend. You know; all the adventures I went on in my head while I waited in line at Macy’s for HoBiscuit to finish shopping so I could give her back her purse.

Because I’m a real man, that’s why.

I’m not doing this simply as a writing exercise due to my inability to come up with any real content today either, even though it might seem that way at first. I’m actually doing this in the hopes of improving male/female relationships of the future. Honestly, I am. Because women always seem to think that men have deep, relationship centered thoughts at all times and so, when they ask a man what he’s thinking they’re always, ALWAYS, disappointed when he answers, “Nothing”.

And trust me ladies, it’s always ‘nothing’.

So, here’s just a few of the random thoughts that went through my head while walking through a mall with my lovely wife, HoBiscuit. Just to keep it interesting, I’ve tried to write them in the order they came into my head at the time. So, without further ado, here are the Random Daydream Meanderings of a Man Called GeekMan.

• I hope we don’t go to Macy’s.
• Dammit.
• Spray me with that and I’ll kill you so dead your children will be stillborn.
• Lady, you need a fashion intervention.
• People wear that? In public?!
• Why do I always have to hold the purse?
• Woah! What does she have in here, limestone blocks?!
• Don’t look at me, man. It’s not my purse.
• That’s right, walk away or face my secret mad-kung-fu skilz.
• Hmph. I coulda kicked his ass.
• If there was a fire, could I save HoBiscuit and those kids over there before heroically succumbing to smoke inhalation?
• What if it was an explosion?
• Boring.
• Is it really possible to outrun a fireball?
• What if I had on my good sneakers?
• Nice boobies.
• Ok, so I save everybody from the explosion, but I still need to find the bad guy and terminate him.
• That guy looks like a mad genius; he’ll be the bad guy.
• If I concentrate really hard, I bet I could break a brick with my finger.
• So I’m fighting through the horde of gun toting thugs to reach HoBiscuit and free her before the mega-bomb goes off when…
• Stilettos and a bikini equals – H. O. T. HOT!
• How can she come out empty handed? She went into the dressing room with ten different shirts!
• Nice boobies.
• Stupid malls.
• Why aren’t there any anime stores here?
• Dum, dum, la, la, la. Dum, dum, la, la, la.
• So, if I had too, how would I get from this level to the first level to fight a ninja?
• I have got to get a grapple hook gun.
• Heh, I can see her butt crack.
• This mall sucks.
• Mmmm! Free pretzels!
• Victoria’s Secret, dead ahead!
• Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.
• THIS is where the ninjas should attack me.
• Please lord, make HoBiscuit buy this…
• Dammit.
• Hot dog! A French maid outfit!
• Lord, I’ll be your best friend if only…
• Dammit.
• Heh, mannequin boobies.
• I did NOT just get caught staring at a mannequin’s boobies by a group of teenage girls.
• Alien invaders, if you’re out there, take me. Now.
• Everybody was kung-fu fighting, those guys were fast as lightening…
• Note to self; buy a collapsible pole axe.
• I like cheese.
• Nice boobies.