Thank you everyone.
I am honored and privileged to be here today, standing on this stage and accepting this Award. This Bloggie means more to me than I think I’ll ever be able to fully express with words, but I’ll try because I won and you didn’t. And I’m up here anyway, so you have to listen to me whether you want to or not you tiny minded, little people.
What’s that Dave? You want some of this? No? I didn’t think so, beyatch.
Anywaste, I’d like to thank the Academy, whoever you losers are, for my nomination and placing me in such fine and respected company as my fellow nominees. Rebecca Mead, Rebecca Blood, J.D. and of course, Joe Clark. You’re all good, but it was obvious from the start that you weren’t nearly as good as me.
Let’s face it, I’m the best and I deserved to win.
My sparkling wit, purfekt speling and coy phrase of turns of phrase put me head and shoulders above you other has-been hacks. My ability to use large, silly sounding words like, ‘flummox’ and ‘masticate’ in my posts must have confounded you at every turn. I bet you all fell asleep last night sweating bullets and crying like wounded animals as you waited in fear for the results to be posted.
Well, fear no more Poopie-heads cause my triumph was pre-ordained and inevitable.
This award is just the first step in my evil scheme of world domination through Web Logging. First, I create a website, then I win an award and then I take over the World! When I am High Commander I will rule with an iron fist, people shall fear as I…
Huh? What do you mean I didn’t win? Rebecca Blood won?!? But her essay wasn’t even written this year! Damnit, how could she win?
Who the hell did she sleep with?
Ok, ok. That’s fine. Just fine. Forget I mentioned it. It’s really not important because I’m sure I won for Best American, right? Not nominated? What? Wil who? Well, what about Most Humorous? Best New Web Log? Web Log of the Year? None of them? Who the hell is this Wil guy, anyway? Star Trek? Star Trek?!? That’s crazy. You’ve got to be kidding me, right? I mean, Miss Cleo explicitly said that I would ‘come into something special’ in the next few days, so I just assumed…
What’s that hand signal mean? Get off the stage? But… but, I wore a tuxedo! I washed and shaved and everything for this. I cut my nose hairs for Pete’s sake! I demand…
*Evan, Wil, Rebecca, and Ernie forcibly remove the patheticly sputtering GeekMan from the stage.*
Nikolai: “Sorry for the interruption folks, let’s get back to the show. And the winner for ‘Best Human Being to Walk the Face of the Earth, Ever’ goes to… Wil Wheaton!”
Wild applause. Wil is showered with spooge and ladies undies as he saunters to the stage. GeekMan cries softly to himself as he drifts off to sleep in the dumpster out back. The last thing he hears is Wil’s voice shouting, “…And a special thank you to William ‘Fucking’ Shatner!”
Not bitter or anything, are we? LOL Hello… I’ve been reading this blog for awhile now and have just gotten around to dropping a comment(okay, okay I’m a lazy bum). I just wanted to say I really enjoy your posts… They’re funny as hell and the skins give your web site a very nice touch. Personally I’ve always thought you should get more traffic but hey, all in time. Best of luck and thanks for all the laughs, both now and in the future. Keep updating! =) …Enough of an ego boost? Just curious…
You were robbed man. Anti-Bloggies start tomorrow. I’m easily bribed you know.
Stay tuned for the BLORGI’s……….at bobthecorgi’s blog site.!
There should be a new category: Weblogs by people who aren’t already TV stars.
You wus robbed. So was I. More on my own site.
PS: I’ve heard William (fucking) Shatner is about to start a blog to attract the over-50 vote. Like mine. And how about L. Nimoy with “IllogicalBlog”? The list is endless.
Hey man, first time I’m reading your site, and already I feel your pain. being locked in here, getting no recognition from those people who prefer wesley crusher, errr, wil wheaton over everybody else…
maybe it’s time we do something about it, maybe it’s time we start searching movabletype for backdoors and hax0r his ass!
I think it’s very obvious now that the whole Bloggie system needs to be reworked before next year. But since this year is far from over, bring on the Anti-Bloggies!
I came to your site because I saw your nomination. Wheaton’s okay but he has nothing on you! You have better kitsch, too (I’d kill for a t-shirt, hat, and mug)!
*note to self: never read MG at work as boss finds incessant giggling distracting*
Well, I voted for you. And who knows? The Antibloggie nominations have just begun!
Man yea u were robbed! I know for a fact that u have the bestest bloggy thing ever here.. anyway if it helps any i voted for ya geeky.
Well, you said to say something!
What’sssuuuppp?!
Bitter Much?
Go for an Anti-Bloggie. I’ll nominate you if you nominate me…
I voted for you. But you knew that.
What you need is an Oral Sex Donations box.
Who gives a fuck about fairvue traffic? A much more valid measure of online persona worth, I think, is how much head people will give you. ;)