Forgive Me

There’s this guy who rides the F train…

He’s not exactly a homeless bum, but you can tell by the way he dresses and the way he smells that he’s not exactly one of the rich and famous of NY. He carries around a big, black guitar and he uses it to beg for money from all the rush-hour riders on the train. And before you ask; no, he doesn’t hit people with it, he actually plays it.

Smartass.

Now, playing the guitar (and I use the word ‘playing’ very loosely here) on a crowded train is bad enough, but apparently this guy enjoys torturing his sadly captive audience too much to let it go at that.

You see, he also sings.

You must understand, his singing isn’t all that horrible. In fact, if it weren’t for the song itself I might even find it moderately listenable for a short period of time. Say from 14th street to 34th street. But it’s not just the guitar playing or the singing that gets me crazy. You see, if it were just that I’d simply listen in “pleading-for-death” silence while he played and then avert my eyes and ignore him as he passed by after his ‘set’ asking me, and all the other tortured souls on the air conditioner-less subway car to hell, for our spare change. But it’s not just the guitar playing and the singing that make me want to lunge for his throat every time I see him, it’s his fricking song.

Forgive me
I’m just trying to get by with my life
I’m down on my luck, I’m feeling strife

Forgive me
Lend a hand and help someone who’s poor
Begging now but not forevermore

Forgive me
Forgive me
For Give Me

There’s more to the song but I swear to you, if I ever hear it again someone’s going to die. Horribly and slowly. What really kills me is that I’m willing to pay this guy top dollar if he would only stop singing, but I doubt he ever will. He seems too fricking happy to be out there ruining other people’s day to ever want to stop. I bet if he ever won the lottery or got a recording contract he would still be out there every day, making perfect strangers band together in their hatred for his stupid, fricking songs.

I swear that yesterday when he got on I heard someone ask for a pitchfork and a torch.

The worst part of the whole ordeal is that the damn song is so fricking catchy. Hours after I’ve left that singing/begging bastard behind I find I’m still humming it, and no matter what I try I can’t get it out of my head until I exorcise it with something equally annoying, inane and catchy. Something like, “Girl You Know It’s True” or “Talking In Your Sleep”.

Forgive you? How about I just kill you and we call it even, hmmm?