Like everyone else out there, HoBiscuit and I are buying a home.
Now, before you rush to congratulate us, let me reiterate to you non New Yorkers just what it means to be purchasing a ‘home’ in NYC. A home in NY is not what you might be used to, especially since NYC prices are so outrageous that rats have been known to migrate to New Jersey when their families got too large to fit in their rent controlled, two-tin-can rat’s nest. The truly poor rats actually move to Staten Island!
Oh, the horror.
But wait, I see you shaking your heads and chuckling to yourselves as you say, “That GeekMan, he’s so silly. I know it can’t possibly be as bad as he says it is. I mean, I know NY is expensive, but come on! It can’t be as bad as all that, now can it?”
Hell yes, it can.
For those of you who might not live in the Big Rotten Apple let me explain in a little more detail why buying a home in NY is completely different than buying a home anywhere else in the country. You see, when anyone else in the US says that they are ‘buying a home’ they mean that they are buying something with rooms and closets and possibly even stairs. If they’re real lucky, they even have some land with grass and trees on it, and all for a reasonable price. But in NY when someone says they are ‘buying a home’ it should be translated as the following;
Hello. I am an idiot New Yorker who is willing to live in a space that in any other city in the United States would hardly qualify as a walk-in closet. The apartment I am currently in the process of purchasing is a mere 300 square feet, including the kitchen and bathroom, and the down payment alone will likely cost me more than the total cost of your current residence. I will have one closet into which I can place three articles of clothing, steam heat that I cannot control, two windows (one of which will be blocked by the fire escape and the other by an air conditioner) and the tranquil sounds of fire engines and gunshots to lull me to sleep. Please express your shock and awe at my stupidity by taking this straw, sticking it into my eye and sucking the life out of me. Thankyouverymuch.
Ah, the joys of being a homeowner.
Craziness – while we’re not so nuts, it’s crazy here in Northern VA…I just posted about our experience…
Hey man, I grew up in Staten Island! The place is a shithole though, I admit that. Can the neighborhood that you live in actually make you dumber?
Good luck on the move. I can relate to those nasty prices. I live right above the east village now and rent is nutty.
Curious as to why you decided to buy in the city and not go to right outside where you could buy something bigger and cheaper? When we eventually buy, that’s what I might just do.