I want to be a Web Log Writer.
I will create an ugly website using warez software and ad-infested free web hosts.
I will write something every other day about my boring and uninteresting life.
I will write in “Hackerese” and forego the use of initial caps, for caps are for the weak and non-l337.
I will become an avid reader, loyal fan and devout worshipper of the most popular ‘A-List’ Web Log Writers.
I will learn how to do what they do, only not as well.
I will purchase gifts for them via PayPal and their Amazon Wish Lists.
I will frequent their CafePress stores.
I will submit my site for review by any Internet critic with a website.
I will not become discouraged when they fail to reply to my emails or notice my website or me.
I will never give up in my quest.I will become a Web Log Writer.
I will buy my own domain and create a new website of depth and beauty.
I will write something every day about my boring yet somehow compellingly interesting life.
I will reacquaint myself with the ‘shift’ button and stop spelling words in ‘Hackerese”, for that is for the young and immature.
I will create links to ‘A-Listers’ in the hopes of being noticed.
I will do what they do, only better.
I will create my own PayPal account and Amazon Wish List.
I will open a CafePress store.
I will forego sleep and my weekends because I value my small, yet growing, readership.
I will get average reviews from minor website critics.
I will work hard and garner a loyal following whose ranks will grow larger every day.I will become an ‘A-List’ Web Log Writer.
I will be featured in a book or magazine.
I will write something every few days about my exciting and interesting life, and my words will be as gospel to the unwashed masses.
I will write poetry and buy a webcam.
I will only link to other ‘A-List’ Web Log Writers and ignore wannabe’s who link to me.
Other Web Log Writers will do what I do, only worse.
I will ignore or quit my real job since my loyal readership will support me via PayPal and my Amazon Wish List.
CafePress will make me a ‘Featured Store’.
I will be on every critic’s favorites list.
I will ignore my readership and become involved in an Internet romance or attend live meetings with other ‘A-List’ Web Log Writers.
I will stop caring about my visitors because they’re not worth my time.I will be a ‘Has-Been’ Web Log Writer.
I will become disillusioned by Web Log Writing and the Internet in general.
I will write a poignant, sarcastic, mean-spirited farewell entry to alienate any visitors I might have left.
I will let my site rot and my links die.
Other Web Log Writers will do what I used to do, only better.
I will find a new job because my Internet romance will die and the other ‘A-List’ Web Log Writers will stop calling me.
I will be forced to close my CafePress store due to inactivity.
I will not be on anyone’s favorites list, not even my own.
I will come to the realization that I miss the life of a Web Log Writer.
I will create a new pseudonym and persona to shield myself from recognition.
I will begin my quest anew.For I want to be a Web Log Writer.
Credo Of The Web Log Writer
That’d be it in a nutshell.
excellent piece – i didn’t know what to expect from your comment on my site. you ought to link to it permanently on your main page.
Actually, I made a permenant place for it in my media/essays page. I just figured most people don’t go any deeper into my site than the homepage, so why bother with a permanent link? If people want to explore, they’ll find it on their own.
That, and I’m a lazy bastard.
…I visited your page again just after writing my rant about trying to find quality writing on the web.
I nearly blew my drink out of my nose. This piece summed it up quite nicely.
Excellent!
I’ve only been reading your blog for a week or two, but now I’m hooked.
/me echoes domesticat’s sentiment, as we’re working on a project together that is funny in light of this
Indeed, this is the cycle. To continue the cycle, I will now link to this from my own pathetic domain. =P
Love it. I snickered and giggled in all the right spots. :)
You’re leaving out a very important element. Not all of us make it to the A-List. Hell, I’m somewhere at the bottom of the C-List. What about us disillusioned writers who are too fucking lazy to end up on the A-List?
Incidentally, your formatting is all screwed up in the linked version of the page – your tags vanish.
Hmm – the tags are also missing from the Credo on its permanent page.
Hmm – the (p) tags are also missing from the Credo on its permanent page.
(Your comments software of course removed the tag name when I wrote it with angle brackets in the last post)
Thanks Bill.
Apparently my archives didn’t get rebuilt properly after my last post so the original, incorrectly-formatted version of the Credo was still in the archives instead of the new, properly-formatted version. all I can say is, “Oops. My bad.”
S’aright. Just sorry I ended up posting four times about it. What an eejit! :D
Well, like the rest of the blogs I read, including my own pathetic piece of shite, there’s 3 minutes I’ll never get back.
very funny piece
however, do I detect a bit of antipathy towards Dean Powazek in there? :o)
Hi again! Brilliant piece. I’m currently on verse two, although I didn’t do all of verse one. See you at that A-list gathering, dude. (For we both know there’s no escape :)
Yep. Weird slang, odd fashions, elite groups and an A-List. Weblogging is a bit like high school.
So why is it that we all stick around..?
Great rant!
salam