It be Talk Like A Pirate Day, me maties.

This be arrrrguably, th’ most important date on me calendarrrr. ‘Side me weddin’ t’ me lovely lass, o’course. An’ th’ birth o me darlin’ baby girlie. An’ p’raps th’ time aye found me a shiny new silver pence just lyin’ thar in th’ middle of th’ street jus’ when me ole stomach were grumblin’ fer a bit o Miss O’Shaney’s tasty arrrrrtichoke salad. But never ye mind all that bilge, jus’ ‘member th’ bit that be important. This here be Talk Like A Pirate Day, so when yer at yer office or in yer class or out with yer friends, throw three sheets to th’ wind and talk like a pirate! Yer maties will laugh and join in th’ fun, fer that’s what maties do. And those which don’t give a hearty what for when ye squint one eye, strike a sword-fightin’ pose and go “Arrrr!” in th’ middle o’ th’ comp’ny meeting?

Keelhaul them and plunder their cubicals! ARRRRR!

I got me a new toy.

I’ve been playing with my new Logitech QuickCam Pro 9000 for a few hours now and I’ve got to say, it’s pretty darn cool. I’m amazed at how well it works in low-level lighting situations and the built-in microphone is nearly as good as having a handheld microphone. I originally got a pair of them for the sole purpose of making video calls home to see HoBiscuit and the Mighty Baby whenever I was away for work, but now I’m thinking I might do a few video webcast-type posts. What do the kids call it these days? Podcasting? Vlogging? Idiots with webcams and nothing better to do? Well, whatever it’s called look out interwebbing.

GeekManCam is coming!

I hate telemarketers.

I especially hate when a telemarketer manages to somehow take me by surprise and elicit a response from me that allows them to launch into their sales pitch before I can diffuse the situation by blowing my ever-present air-horn into the phone and then hang up as the blood shoots out of their now burst eardrums.

Sometimes, I even laugh evilly as I hang up.

However, this morning I received a call from a telemarketer that caught me by surprise and before I realized what was happening, this person had launched into their well-rehearsed spiel. Luckily, I am almost always prepared for just such an emergency, but this time I decided to use a different tactic. This time, instead of playing their game, I decided to make up some new rules and completely confuse the living daylights out of them.

I pretended to speak in tongues.

Oh, I started simply enough, responding to his questions with seemingly innocent answers, but by the time he was asking if I was interested in hearing more about the available plan choices I was replacing every fourth word with a random word I spied in one of the magazines on my desk. So, instead of saying, “I’d love to hear some more about this but I’m a little busy right now.” I actually said, “I’d love to museum some more about jelly but I’m a little kettle right now.”

Of course, the guy just plowed on so I got more inventive.

My response to, “Are you interested in hearing some more about our platinum level membership rewards?” was a rather confusing, “Some dust bunnies ignore the traffic lights when speeding.” This caused him to stutter for a moment before he tried to continue with, “Ma’am,” (I really HATE that people think I sound like a woman on the phone!) “Becoming a platinum level member costs just $59 a year, would you like to sign up now?” So I hit him with, “Rain makes my animal cracker shoes soggy.” About then, he realized he wouldn’t get anywhere with me, but I give him credit for trying one last time with, “If you’ll just give me your credit card number I can sign you up right now.” To which I replied, “Avast! Tall timber falls for which witches falsetto timbre?”

Silence, followed by the disconnection click of victory.