Why Do I Never Learn?
Posted on July 19th, 2006
Remember this?
So, guess who’s supposed to be going on a 9 day cruise vacation with his family tomorrow? Come on, guess! OK, now guess which ship that person is supposed to be sailing on? Go ahead, try to guess. What? Need a hint? Ok, ok. How about this, Chaos off the Cape
It’s official. My life is cursed.
Filed under Traveling | 1 Comment »
Return Of The Pinger
Posted on July 18th, 2006
How do you cut your nails?
Honestly, when you’re cutting your nails, do you just round off the top, as if you were at a barber shop and just needed a trim? You know, “Just a little off the top?†Or do you clip your nails as far down as you can get the clippers? You know, really digging in and trying to get as much nail in one shot so it forms that happy little crescent moon of nail droppings? Do you find yourself clipping your nails like some obsessive-compulsive manic monkey until the tips of your fingers hurt when you touch something and the sides of your fingers bleed? Do you get some sort of perverse pleasure out of creating the perfect rounded-top fingernail? Do you believe your life lacks meaning unless your nails are better clipped than your friends’ nails?
No?
Oh…
Uhhhh… Me neither.
Filed under Experiments | Comments Off
The Lunch Song
Posted on July 12th, 2006
La-la-la! I’m not listening!
For some reason, this made-up song has been in my head for the last hour or so. In the hopes of stopping the madness I’m posting it here for the whole world to see. Maybe, just maybe, sharing it with you will shut up the voices in my head long enough for me to actually eat. Enjoy.
I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!Eat, eat, eat!
Meat, meat, meat!
Order in or hit the street?Leftovers are oh so smelly
Need to put food in my belly
Look in fridge what do I see?
Nothing good inside for meI’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!Should I get some nice Chinese?
Or, how about some Japanese?
Mexican, Vietnamese
Thai, Italian, Portuguese?Choices, choices everywhere
I can’t decide, I’m in despair!
I need to eat or I’ll waste away
Where the hell to go today?!I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!
Holy crap, I’m hungry.
Filed under Poetry | 2 Comments »