Month: July 2004

Oopsie

• by GeekMan • In Experiments •   1

Dear Valued Readership,

It has come to our attention that this site has yet to be updated with fresh content today. Please be assured that we at The Mighty Geek are diligent in our efforts to continually entertain you, our valued readership, and are ever on the look-out for new and humorous methods of brightening your day. Tonight, you can breathe a sigh of relief, sleeping sound and safe with the knowledge that those responsible for the sorry lack of content today have not only been sacked, but have been beaten with the Switch Of Perpetual Obedience and tossed out of our office window like a discarded wad of tissue paper. Rest assured they shall never fail in their duties to entertain you again.

For they are now deceased.

As we are now in the unfortunate position of needing to hire an entirely new staff, we beg your indulgence until the morrow when we shall once again entertain you with yet another meaningless story of GeekMan’s pathetic life using humor and wit to illustrate how much better off you are than he is in all things. Thank you and good night.

The Management

Fat Bastard

• by GeekMan • In Geek Life, Rants •   7

Real people, real conversations, real problem.

Upon meeting a female friend I’ve known since high school for the first time in four months the following conversation took place:

Female Friend:
“Hey GeekMan, it’s good to see you! How are you doing?”

GeekMan:
“Hi FF, it’s good to see you too. I’ve been great, just working too hard and…”

[FF pokes GeekMan’s tummy]

GeekMan:
“You did not just poke me in the stomach.”

FF:
“I’m sorry, it’s just so cute! You’ve got a bubble belly!”

GeekMan:
“You know, I never liked you. Ever.”

While showing my new apartment to my brother, Fishman and his fiancé Papaya:

GeekMan:
“So, as you can see, everything’s great here except for the kitchen which we really need to fix up before we actually move in.”

Papaya:
It’s a great place; I love the exposed beams and the hardwood floors! Have you thought about… Oh, WOW!”

GeekMan:
“What?! Is something wrong with the apartment?”

Papaya:
“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s just that… well; I just noticed that you’ve got a pooch! And it’s so cute sticking out from your body like that! Like you’ve just eaten a small basketball.”

GeekMan:
“Did you just call me FAT?!”

Papaya:
“Uhm… No. Not really…”

GeekMan:
“I am NOT fat.”

Papaya:
“There’s no need to shout, I was just observing that you’re stomach is a little rounder that it used to be. You know, people do tend to gain weight as they age…”

GeekMan:
“Now I’m fat AND old?! You insult me in my own home?”

Papaya:
“Oh dear. That’s not what I meant. Fishman, help me out here. Please?”

Fishman:
“Dude, you’re old and fat. Deal with it.”

GeekMan:
“I’d kill you both, but I don’t think I’d ever get the bloodstains out of the floor.”

So, now I’m an old, fat and angry man and I hate it. Especially since HoBiscuit finds it hysterical that everyone, and I do mean everyone, has been pointing out my tummy over the last week. I, on the other hand, didn’t think it was so bad until yesterday when we attended a BBQ at a friend’s house and someone there asked me if I did sit-ups, and when I said no he replied, “Well, you’d lose that gut if you did.”

I would have hit him, but that would have meant, you know, getting up and stuff.

And This Time I Really Mean It

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Poetry, Traveling •   5

Well true believers, GeekMan’s got some bad news.

Due to my amazingly full work schedule I’m going to be flying to Chicago today to be a good little graphics monkey and make enough money for HoBiscuit to buy herself a new pair of shoes, and the accompanying walk-in closet to go with them. What that means for you my loyal readership is that I’ll be gone for yet another week, but if my visitor logs are any indication then neither of you will really care.

I don’t even think Momma Geek will notice my absence.

In order for the world to fully comprehend my agony over leaving all of you unattended and humorless for yet another seven days, I originally wanted to express myself in the only way I believed could truly capture all of my anguish, heartache, fear and despair. But since no one would have been able to see my interpretive dance, I’ve decided to use a different style of expression more in keeping with this computerized medium. So sit back and prepare yourself for my awe inspiring and almost Shakespearian display of Crane-Style Emotive Blogger Haiku.

Yeah BOY-eee. I got mad haiku skilz.

Early morning flight
Work has GeekMan by the nads
Updates shall suffer

Readers bow their heads
Hot chocolate made sweet with tears
Heaven holds no warmth

Another week gone
Sadness envelopes the world
Until The Return

Mark your calendar
There will be great rejoicing
On Monday the twelfth

That’s right. You just got poetry served.