Month: August 2001

FedEx Lovin’

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News •   4

I love my FedEx guy. It’s a special kind of love, usually found only between men who have shared some kind of intense, traumatic experience together. Like being in a war, surviving a hijacking or sitting through an entire episode of Temptation Island with your girlfriend asking questions like, “Do you think our relationship would be able to survive this?”

I love him not because he is handsome or because he wears those sexy shorts that women find so alluring, no. I love him simply because he brings me cool stuff that I ordered online the day before. He brings these things right to my door and all I have to do is sign my name and viola! I get stuff.

I love getting stuff.

He should be here any minute with yet another delivery of FedEx lovin’ just for me. I’m all pins and needles with excitement. My nipples are hard. Soon I will have another silly, electronic, Geek toy to play with and the world will shudder in horror as I unleash my joy by either writing an entry about it or by dressing up as Britney Spears and recreating the entire Oops, I Did It Again video sequence.

May god have mercy on your souls…

Are They On Crack?

• by GeekMan • In Rants •   3

Danger Island

“Danger Island” will be a weekly one hour reality television show. It will not be a low brow descent into schlock television nor will it be a primitive display of good versus evil. Instead, it will be an incredible mythological display of evil competing with evil for the exceedingly rare opportunity to compensate victims for past crimes committed against them.

Someone needs to stop these people.

Choking on the Past

• by GeekMan • In Geek Life •   1

When I was young (before the wheel, but after fire) my brother and I had some of the coolest toys on the planet. I’m talking about Micronauts here. As in “The interchangeable world of”. We used to sit and play for hours with these things, shooting each other with the little, tiny, choking hazard missiles. Trust me, they were choking hazards. Ask my brother about the Star Wars Falcon in the Cave Reenactment Fiasco of 78′ and watch his eyes go very round and white. Of course, this was before the warnings were put on the boxes so no one thought twice about handing toys with small plastic pieces that could be shot with great force at the press of a button to kids.

Anyway, it was my birthday a while ago and my bro finally gave me my presents last night. Yeah, he’s a little slow sometimes. Anywaste, somehow, somewhere he found the ORIGINAL figures for Giant Acroyear and the Micronaut Battle Cruiser in the ORIGINAL boxes! The figures even had the original stickers, still un-applied, in the box. I’m a collector of silly and stupid things so to say I was happy is a slight understatement. I almost stopped the Magic: The Gathering game I was playing to put them together and play with them. Then I thought better of it and carefully put them back in their boxes and have since stored them in a cool, dry place out of direct sunlight. What can I say? I’m a Geek.

But for today at least, my brother is very cool.

Grand Opening

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News •   5

The Mighty Shop is now open! Grab granny, and click on over so you can spend all of your hard earned cash on some of the dumbest crap on the planet. Everything from ugly-as-sin shirts to make-me-look-like-a-schmuck hats to why-god-why mugs. I’ve got it all and my prices are INSANE!

That’s right, I’ve joined the growing group of pathetic web loggers who feel it’s necessary to bombard the world with their misguided attempts to become rich and famous through self branded Café Press merchandise. Humor me, I’m a Geek for chrissakes.

So what are you waiting for?!? Click over there now and make me money!

Tag Line Follies

• by GeekMan • In Experiments •   4

After signing up for a Café Press account and creating all the graphics I’ll need, I realized that I didn’t have a witty tag line for my site. As everyone knows, you have as much chance of selling branded merchandise without a witty tag line as you do of finding a fresh donut at Dunkin Donuts at 4:15am. With dreams of rolling naked in a great big pile of cash a la Scrooge McDuck dancing in my head, I came up with the following tag lines. If you have a better suggestion or just want to vote for your favorite, write me a comment.

  • Do not be alarmed. I am a Geek.
  • I am. Are you?
  • Women love my slide rule
  • I’m a ‘l337 h@x0r’, yo.
  • Faster than a speeding T3
  • Polyester suits rule
  • Paid to be smarter than you
  • Too dumb to be a Nerd
  • The world needs more duct tape.
  • Geek-shirt, Who’da thunk?
  • I’m on a (shirt/mug/hat), what’ve you done?
  • Duke of URL
  • I’ve got a wedgie
  • This space left intentionally blank (arrow pointing up)
  • Submit Wage Monkey, or die.

So. Now What?

• by GeekMan • In Geek Life •   1

This is it. I’m at the point where I’ve run out of major tweaks and feel like this site is ready for “Prime Time”. That’s tech-speak for “going live”. There are still a few minor tweaks here and there to take care of, some more graphics to make and I still need to create a store where you’ll be able to purchase Mighty Geek paraphernalia at outrageous prices, but for the most part this site is done.

So come on in, look around, grab a brew and sit down by the fire. Dinner’s at 7:30, Bingo starts at 9:00, and everyone who plays is a winner.

The Mighty Geek is now open. Welcome.