My Preciousss

I love hot chocolate.

Really, I do. It’s so tasty, with its chocolaty goodness, that even the smell of it can send an ecstatic shiver of excitement up and down my spine. Since it was cold out yesterday I made myself my first cup of the season of my favorite brand of instant hot chocolate, Swiss Miss (with extra marshmallows).

And god help me, I nearly wet myself in ecstasy.

As I sat there sipping the blessed nectar of the gods and watching Survivor on TV, I was transported back in time to one of the most horrific moments of my young life. I remember it like it was yesterday…

[flashback effects]

I was a young lad of 9, standing in my mother’s kitchen waiting for the water to boil so I could have a delicious mug of hot chocolate. Reaching under the counter, I found the very last package of hot chocolate which had been waiting there through the entire summer, patiently biding its time until it would be brought forth into the light to fulfill its purpose in life.

And that purpose was to fill my belly with its powdered, hot chocolaty goodness.

As the water in the pot began to boil, I ripped the top off of the small package of hot cocoa and, without looking at what I was doing, poured the contents into my mug. Turning off the stove, I then poured the boiling water into the cup; already anticipating what I was sure would be a delicious first sip of my favorite hot beverage. Unable to wait until I reached the table a mere six feet away, I took my very first sip.

It was a long sip, more like a gulp, and I smiled at the taste.

As I lowered the cup I noticed that the tiny marshmallows in my hot cocoa had not completely melted as they normally do after boiling hot water is poured on them. Curious as to their astounding fortitude, I took a closer look at what I could see were some decidedly odd-shaped marshmallows. peering at the floating objects in my cup, I was struck by their oddness. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have sworn that the marshmallows weren’t anything close to the proper squarish-rectangular, cube-like marshmallow shape usually found in hot cocoa.

In fact, they weren’t squarish-rectangular cubes at all!

They appeared to be more half-moon shaped than anything else. And they had these strange ridges on them, kind of like they were tiny armadillos. Yeah, that’s what they looked like! What strange marshmallows these were! They were shaped like armadillos! How funny! And they weren’t even done right! I mean, everyone knows that armadillos have four legs, but these stupid marshmallows didn’t even have legs! Hah! Stupid hot cocoa people, didn’t they know that without legs these marshmallow armadillos looked more like bugs than armadillos?

Stupid cocoa people, I thought to myself. They are so dumb.

Actually, I thought as I took a second sip of my delicious hot cocoa, without their legs these marshmallow armadillos kinda look a lot like insect larvae. But why would anyone put insect shaped marshmallows into hot cocoa? That would be stupid. Actually, why would anyone put armadillo shaped marshmallows into hot cocoa? That seemed pretty stupid, too. But if they didn’t put in armadillo shaped marshmallows, then what could they possibly…?

Oh. My. God.

I froze, my mouth full of my second sip of boiled maggot infested hot cocoa. I could feel a couple of maggots floating in the cocoa fluid contained in my mouth and it took every once of willpower in my 9-year-old body to restrain myself from vomiting right there in the kitchen. Instead, I calmly put the cup on the kitchen counter and spat violently into the sink. Afterward, I spent about three hours rinsing my mouth out with a combination of Scope, benzoyl peroxide and Mr. Clean.

It didn’t help when, ten minutes later, I found a maggot stuck between my teeth.

Since that fateful day I have made absolutely sure to always, always, always check my mug, glass or cup before and after pouring something into it. Especially if it’s hot cocoa with marshmallows. Don’t get me wrong, I still love hot chocolate. But now, I’m just real careful about checking those marshmallows for moving parts before I pour in the hot water. It just shows you the level of addiction I have for hot cocoa that not even maggots can keep me from drinking it. But I tell you, there was a time there where it was a close thing whether I would ever drink hot chocolate again. So what if it was only 30 seconds? I actually entertained the thought of quitting! Isn’t that horrible enough?!

My preciousss. My hot-chocolaty preciousss…