Extra Baggage
Posted on August 31st, 2007
Just so you know…
This conversation took place in the London, Heathrow airport when I was stopped by a security guy.
Airport Security Guy – “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll need to check one of those bags.”
GeekMan – “Why?”
ASG – “You’re only allowed one carry-on bag when going through security.”
GM – “But I’m only making a connection here.”
ASG – “I’m afraid that you still need to go through security, so you can only have one bag.”
GM – “Curious. You would think that someone, somewhere would have mentioned that little piece of information to those of us making connections here before we got on the plane in New York.”
ASG – “That’s not something I have control over, sir.”
GM – “Alrighty then. I understand that you have your rules and I’ve got to follow those rules, however I think we might have a problem.”
ASG – “What problem?”
GM – “Well, one bag has two computers in it and the other has camera equipment.”
ASG – “And…?”
GM – “Well, I can’t check either bag because the equipment contained in them is both fragile and expensive.”
ASG – “Ah. I see.”
GM – “Yes. So, in this situation, what would you suggest I do?”
ASG – “Well, if you could somehow stuff one bag into the other…?”
GM – “Interesting tact. However, I feel the need to point out that the process of ’stuffing’ fragile equipment tends to cause problems.”
ASG – “I see. I had not thought of that.”
GM – “Any other suggestions?”
ASG – “You could fly back to NY and find a direct flight to your final destination.”
GM – “Let me get this straight. In order for me to make it through this security checkpoint with two carry-on bags you’re suggesting that after having flown 8 hours to get this far that I fly back to NY for 8 hours, book another flight that doesn’t come through London and then fly to my actual destination?”
ASG – “Well, that would solve your problem, wouldn’t it?”
GM – “That’s true, but I would like to note that following that plan would cause me to be fired and thus negate my need to travel in the first place.”
ASG – “Ah. Well then, that leads to my next suggestion…”
GM – “I’m not quitting my job.”
ASG – “Well, if you’re not going to even listen to my suggestions…”
GM – “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to be so negative. It’s just that I don’t know what I can do about this and I’d really rather not miss my connection flight.
ASG – “Well, maybe you could just hand carry the camera…?”
GM – “And 4 lenses? That would be very awkward.”
ASG – “How about hand carrying the computers, then?”
GM – “Wait. Do you mean to tell me that there’s no restriction on things I can carry onto the plane as long as they’re NOT in a bag?”
ASG – “Well, yes.”
GM – “Amazing! So, I can bring both of my computers and this knapsack of camera equipment onto the plane as long as I’m holding them in my hands outside of the case?”
ASG – “Of course. It’s not how much you have with you, but how many bags you have that we regulate. You could strap a Volkswagon to your ass and we’d let you through as long as you were only carrying a small bag along with it.”
GM – “Brilliant! So, I’ll just take out both of these very expensive laptops and carry them throughout the airport for everyone to see, will I? Along with my knapsack of super-expensive camera equipment?”
ASG – “Sounds good.”
GM – “Do you happen to have any bumper stickers?”
ASG – “Pardon?”
GM – “Well, I’d love to stick a bumper sticker on my forehead that says, ‘Stupid, tourist guy. Please mug me.”
ASG – “…”
GM – “Sigh. So, I’ll just take these laptops out and check my bag, then?”
ASG – “Yes. And please be quick about it. I’ve got puppies to kick and kittens to drown.”
Remember, when traveling overseas always check on the rules and regulations of EACH airport you’ll be going to and make sure you aren’t going to run into a problem like, for example, having too many carry-on bags to make it through security. Otherwise, you might find yourself standing at an airport urinal crying as you try and fail to balance two laptops on your head so you can pee.
And airport security people are mean. Just… mean.
Filed under Traveling | 2 Comments »
The Battle Continues?
Posted on August 29th, 2007
What ever happened to Battle of the Planets?
That’s what was going through my head this morning as I found myself humming the theme song I last heard maybe 20 years ago. I remember how much I loved that stupid show, with its horrible dubbed voice-work and convoluted storyline that made no sense at all, not even for kids. I also clearly recall being infatuated with the only female on the series, Princess. Not because I liked her, but because every episode there would be some silly, contrived reason for her to do a flip or other acrobatic move that would flash her nicely animated panties.
Yeah, I was a Geek even then.
After a quick look around the net imagine my surprise when I discovered that there just might be a movie based on the original Japanese cartoon coming out next year. I mean, the thought of once again seeing Mark, Jason, Tiny, Princess and that annoying bastard Keeyop in all their bird-based spandex glory is nearly enough to cause me to dance in glee. As it is, I’ve spent about an hour digging through some old boxes of junk searching for my 7-Zark-7 and 1-Rover-1 figurines. And yes, I know they’re not really part of the original series and were just added to the American version by the distributor to make the violent show more “kid-friendly.” But still, I don’t care.
Now, if only I could remember where my bird-cape and giant “G” belt were stored…
Filed under Childhood Memories | 1 Comment »
Inked Up
Posted on August 27th, 2007
So, I got a tattoo.
Oh sure, I’ve thought about getting them in the past just like almost everyone else. I wanted to impress people with my coolness by having a geeky-yet-dangerous Pac-Man with devil horns etched into my right arm. Or a cool Atari symbol, or a space invader alien, maybe.
Man, the girls would have been all over me.
But this weekend, while I was in San Diego, I finally did it. I got a tattoo. And while it may not be as cool as having a 1/8th scale Master Chief on my back, or anything, I still think it’s cool to show it off to everyone. There was a bit of pain, and a drop or two of blood, but nothing a real man like me couldn’t handle by tearing up and nearly retching all over the floor.
But if you’re thinking of getting a tattoo yourself, I do have a bit of advice for you.
When you’re alone, in the dark and using a felt-tip, metal-sheathed sharpie pen, always make sure that the pen cap is securely connected to the pen before you try to jam it closed with the palm of your hand or you might, you just might, wind up stabbing yourself in the palm of your hand with the business end of a permanent black magic marker causing, not only excruciating pain as it punctures your skin and goes almost a quarter of an inch into your hand, but also leaving you with a semi-permanent tattoo to help remind you of your stupidity.
So, who wants to see my “Big, Black Dot” tattoo?
Filed under Geek Life, Traveling | 2 Comments »
Saint Diego
Posted on August 24th, 2007
So, I’m in California.
It’s nice, I guess. Sunny and warm, with nice breezes by the water and lots of beautiful girls in small outfits and sun-and/or-bottle-bleached hair. I’m working though, so I don’t get to go outside of my hotel at all during the day and by the time I can go out at night I’m too tired to even think about it. All of which means that I could be in Newark, NJ or on the fricking moon for all the difference it makes to me since I never see anything but the hotel ballroom and my sleeping quarters. And let me tell you, sometimes the sleeping quarters are in need of a major makeover. I mean, when was the last time florescent, lime green wallpaper was in fashion? And how about this hotels’ love affair with badly stained orange carpeting? Walking on the carpet makes me very glad that I brought my Mighty Flip-Flops of Safe Personal Hygienic Action & Adventure.
Now if only I could find a way to remove my pants without touching anything…
Filed under Quickie, Traveling | 1 Comment »
Recovery
Posted on August 20th, 2007
Can’t talk, drowning in pink death.
Baby girl stuff… frightening. Little dresses, cuteness overload. Tiny hats, itty-bitty socks, smaller-than-small shoes… So. Damn. Cute. I will melt. I’m going to be like putty, like jello, in her hands. She will “pwn” me and I will be her willing slave. “Daddy, buy me a pony!” “Anything you want, princess.” No! No! I must resist the adorabulessness of the Mighty Baby. I must be stern. Strong. Unbending. And the first thing I must do is play Halo to regain my manliness.
The second thing is I need to do is stop crying when folding little, pink shirts.
Filed under Family, Geek Life | 3 Comments »