Month: August 2006

Excelsior!

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News •   2

Who Wants To Be A Superhero is my favorite TV show. Ever.

If you haven’t seen this show yet because you think that it sounds like the stupidest premise ever, then you don’t know the genius that you’re missing. Quickly put, the premise is that people create a superhero persona, go to a “hero” audition in costume, then if they get picked they go to a Real World / Big Brother type house and are then subjected to trials and contests similar to Amazing Race, The Mole, Survivor, Fear Factor and every other “reality” game show you can think of. And they have to do it all in character and in costume!

It’s so wonderful it brings tears to my eyes.

And the people! They are the most amazingly bizarre cast of misfits I’ve ever seen! There’s a woman who calls herself “Fat Momma” and gets her powers from eating doughnuts! A guy calling himself “Major Victory” whose catchphrase is “Be a winner, not a wiener!” A health-food nutcase called “Creature!” A “Monkey Woman!” Even “Cell Phone Girl!” And get this, they’ve even got a super villain who was kicked off the show and now wants revenge!

Brilliant!

To put the icing on the cake Stan Lee, the creator of the Fantastic Four, the Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Daredevil and of course, my hero Spider-Man, is the host, judge and jury of the show. To make even THAT more crazy, he only shows up on TV screens! The contestants never actually meet him or see him in person, they can only talk to his image on a screen! I’m betting that Stan Lee is nobody’s fool and had it written into his contract that he would never be in the same room as these wannabe super-whackos.

The man is a genius.

By now you’re probably wondering why these idiots would subject themselves to this kind of public humiliation, well, I’ll tell you. The winner gets to be the newest comic book super hero in their very own Dark Horse comic book AND they get to appear in a SciFi original movie. As far as I can tell, there’s not even any money involved! The idiots!

OMG, hilarious does not do this show justice.

What I Do During A Heat Wave

• by GeekMan • In Experiments •   Comments Off on What I Do During A Heat Wave

Whew, it’s hot.

It’s so hot that I saw people on the street make the conscious choice to spontaneously combust, not to commit suicide, but simply as a method of cooling off. Seriously, when it’s as hot and humid as it is outside right now (over 100 degrees Fahrenheit with 40% humidity in NYC) and you have to walk over 20 city blocks while carrying a heavy package, you cannot help but contemplate death as a serious alternative to being outside.

But there is an upside.

You see, when it’s this hot outside I like to grab some cold drinks and plop myself down on a bench, in the shade of course, and people watch. I just love to watch the sweet, hottie ladies wandering around in their summer outfits glistening with sexy sweat. On a day like today the girls are out in force in their tight, wife-beater t-shirts and short, shorts.

And sweet lord, most of them even forgo their bras.

Now, you might be thinking that I’m nothing more than a dirty old man… and you’re probably right. But the truth is that when it’s so fricking hot outside that the pigeon population is expected to dwindle because most of their eggs are frying in the nest, you’ll take any bit of pleasure you possibly can wherever you can find it. And since I also expect that sooner or later this month there will be a blackout in my neighborhood and I’ll have to suffer in this crazy heat without air conditioning or refrigeration to save me, I think that it’s my right… no, it’s my moral obligation, to watch the hot & sweaty hotties walk by as I sip a cold beverage and pretend not to see their rock-hard nipples through their almost sheer shirts.

Oh yeah. God bless those air-conditioned shoe stores.

Stand Up Kind Of Guy

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Geek Life •   3

I made my comedic debut Monday night.

For the last two months I’ve been secretly taking a class on stand-up comedy and Monday night I, along with the rest of the class, got to stand up in front of a real, live audience and do my routine. To say it was nerve wracking would be putting it mildly since I peed my pants at least 4 times before getting up on stage. Good news is people seemed to like my act and I didn’t completely suck ass.

Bad news is I think I want to do it again.

I don’t know why, but I really enjoyed doing my bit on the stage in front of an audience. Especially when the lady sitting in the front row, who had not even smiled once during anybody else’s act, suddenly laughed out loud at one of the funny parts of my act.

Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

If you’re curious about what I did as my act I can tell you that I did something not many comics do anymore, or at least something not many famous comics do. I told a story. Without jokes. The story I told was a funny, slightly embellished account of the night I finally realized just how big of a loser I really am. If you want to have an idea of what the audience heard Monday night you can read a more detailed account of that night here.

And yes, it’s a true story.

Since I’m supposed to be getting a copy of my performance on DVD next week, I’m playing with the idea of posting it somewhere (YouTube?) just so everyone I know who wasn’t able to be there can see it and tell me how badly I sucked ass. And if I’m feeling REALLY masochistic maybe I’ll even tell all of you where to find it, too.

But only if you promise to respect me in the morning.