You May Think It’s Funny, But It’s Not

Time:
Sometime during my college years.

Place:
My college dorm.

“Oh yeah, baby. Come to papa.”

The young man stared into the bathroom mirror with such concentration that his own reflection seemed to waver before his eyes like a heat mirage. His eyes became slits and his brow a study of determination as he concentrated on the task at hand. He knew that he had but a moment or two before someone would knock on the bathroom door to demand entry and thus end his chances of successfully fulfilling his desire. Even worse, he might be caught in the process. And for this task, failure was a HECK of a lot better than being caught in the act. Repressing a shudder at the thought of what would happen should he get caught… again, the young man redoubled his efforts, causing a ‘squishy’ noise to permeate the small room.

“Yeah, baby. Oh yeah. That’s it… thaaaat’s it. That’s the spot. Almost there, baby. Just a little more…”

The ‘squishy’ noises continued for a few moments in silence.

“Oh… yeeeaaahhh… That’s it. Uh… Mmmm… Come to Papa, beyatch. Come to Papa…”

Suddenly, the bathroom door bursts open to reveal an angry and thoroughly disgusted young woman. Unable to stop what he’s doing in time, the young man turns to the woman in embarrassment, knowing that he will never live this episode down no matter how long he might live. Shaking her head in resigned disgust, the young woman turns away from the red-faced young man and slowly closes the door behind her. Just before the door shuts completely, she whispers;

“It’s not that you do it, that I could understand. I could even forgive you for enjoying it as much as you do. But must you make so much noise while you’re at it?”

The young man remains silent, leaving his head bowed in shame until the door is fully closed behind his young girlfriend. Signing softly to himself, he turns around like a condemned man to face his reflection in the mirror. He knows she’s right, that what he’s doing is disgustingly vulgar at best, but he also knows he won’t be able to rest until he’s finished what he started. Resigned to his fate, the young Geek shrugs to himself as he once again extends his index finger and raises it to his face.

And shoves it deep into his left nostril.