Anatomy of a Geek bite.
It’s Shark Week on the Discovery channel, so what better time than now for me to share some of my childhood memories of things that have bitten or attacked me? I know you’re all on the edge of your seats right now, barely able to contain your enthusiasm, but you’ll need to wait at least one more day before the stories begin.
I am such a tease.
Actually, I’m very busy today trying to get a few [Dr. Evil voiceover: One hundred billion!] things done so I just don’t have the time to write the first story yet. But come back tomorrow and you’ll be having some fun at my expense, I can tell you! That’s because tomorrow I will be telling a story of my youth that has special meaning to me, because it’s the day I learned one of the most important lessons of any young man’s life. A lesson that I’ll never forget;
Don’t mock the turtle.
*sits on the edge of her seat*
oooooooo turtles!
Moo!
Turtles bite hard…
Turtles = apres-pool shrinkage
From, “Seinfeld”
Episode 85 – The Hamptons
pc: 522, season 5, episode 21
Broadcast date: May 12, 1994
Written by Peter Mehlman & Carol Leifer
Directed by Tom Cherones
GEORGE: Did she do it on purpose?
JERRY: It was my fault, I told her the wrong door.
GEORGE: I was supposed to see her. She wasn’t supposed to see me.
JERRY: So what?
GEORGE: Well ordinarily I wouldn’t mind. But…
JERRY: But…
GEORGE: Well I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold…
JERRY: Oh… You mean… shrinkage.
GEORGE: Yes. Significant shrinkage.
JERRY: So you feel you were short changed.
GEORGE: Yes! I mean, if she thinks that’s me she’s under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me.
JERRY: Well, so what’s the difference?
GEORGE: What if she discusses it with Jane?
JERRY: Oh, she’s not gonna tell Jane.
GEORGE: How do you know?
JERRY: Women aren’t like us.
GEORGE: They’re worse! They’re much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn’t you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?
JERRY: No, I’m not gonna tell her about your shrinkage. Besides, I think women know about shrinkage.
GEORGE: How do women know about shrinkage?
JERRY: Isn’t it common knowledge?
GEORGE & JERRY: (Elaine walking down the hall they notice her and wave her into the room) Elaine! Get! (She enters)
GEORGE: Do women know about shrinkage?
ELAINE: What do you mean, like laundry?
GEORGE: No.
JERRY: Like when a man goes swimming… afterwards…
ELAINE: It shrinks?
JERRY: Like a frightened turtle!
ELAINE: Why does it shrink?
GEORGE: It just does.
ELAINE: I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.
aahh, geek man.
how i’ve missed you.
(not that you’ve been gone, uh, er, but I’ve been gone, so um, I guess I should say,
aahh, geek man.
how you have missed me.)
Sharks: scary.