Wanted: Awards

Jumpin’ Jiminy Christmas, people!

Here I am, giving away FREE MONEY and I’ve only gotten FOUR entries in my little contest?! What the heck does a guy have to do to get his readership to grovel at his feet? Beg? OK, if that’s what it takes then I’m just the Geek to do it! Here I am on my knees begging you to lower your standards, swallow your pride and pretend to actually like me for ONE STINKING POST on your Blog so you can win my money.

There, are you happy now?

You do realize that the $25 is in American money and not worthless Canadian Drachma, or whatever those heathens use, right? I realize that the dollar isn’t as strong as it used to be, but come on people, it’s still free money! It’s not as if you might have something better to do with your time, because you don’t. You’re probably just a lonely, social outcast with a monitor-induced tan, a made-up life and no friends, so stop pretending you have better things to do than shamelessly groveling at my feet in the hopes of winning money and get with the awarding already! It’s a well documented fact that if you’re running a Blog all you care about is yourself and how many other people in the world are willing to visit a site devoted to you thus proving once and for all that you truly are the center of the known universe.

You know I’m right, stop lying to yourself.

So, in order to get more of you to enter my stupid little contest, I have decided to increase the reward from $25 to a whopping $40! That’s right, I’m giving away EVEN MORE MONEY!!! Because I know that deep down you’re all greedy, little bastards and more money is just the incentive you need to get off your lazy butts and enter this contest.

But wait, there’s more.

I’m also going to be giving away a prize to the runner-up AND a prize to someone I will designate as Miss Congeniality, even if they’re a guy. Because I’m mean that way. These prizes will be determined based on my mood on Christmas Eve, but rest assured they will be good prizes. I’m not talking about a simple link and a hearty “Thank You”. I’m talking physical objects or maybe even more cash. So if $25 wasn’t enough to get you off your anus and up mine, then I hope to heaven above that $40 and more chances to win is.

Now get cracking, because I want my damn awards already!