Top Of The Dog, Ma!

Oh, my aching head.

As I sit here in this cold, dark ballroom listening to a hack-band decimate such rock and roll classics as ‘Walk This Way’ and ‘Walk Like A Man’ it dawned upon me that my life is just not worth living. I mean, here I am wondering if I could kill myself by swallowing my computer mouse and suffocating as a group of talentless, Stomp imitating losers dance on stage like baboons warding off an encroaching lion. Oh great, now the Stomp-lite’s are doing an impromptu version of Battle of the Valkyries with broomsticks and buckets.

Now I’m thinking that I’m already dead and this is my own little corner of hell.

In case you haven’t guessed yet, I’ve been busy traveling for work. Don’t misunderstand, I love what I do and I’m working with great people, but sometimes the so called ‘talent’ hired to do something really isn’t talented. In fact, they stink worse than a Motown Boy Band reunion but no one has the heart to tell them. So, like unwanted and annoying house visitors, they believe they’re still welcome in your mind and continue to chip away at your patience and sanity with their sharp claws of asinine stupidity.

If only I had a license to kill.

My travel schedule of the past few weeks helps explain why I didn’t know until late last night that I had won a Blorgie. This is a high honor indeed, especially since I won for Stealth and Determination and Knows How To Work It.

Eat your hearts out Ninja Cheerleading Squad of Undisclosed Location A.

Now that I’ve finally won an award I’m off to rule the world with an iron fist. Quiver in fear mortals.

You too, mom.