Sometimes, the worst day of your life turns out to be one of the best stories for you to tell your friends & family later on in life. One of my personal favorite stories to tell revolves around my very first day as a college senior. The day was so bad in fact, that I bought myself a journal and began writing down my thoughts just so that I would remember how miserable I was at the time.
And boy, was I miserable.
Looking back, everything that happened to me that day was probably very funny to those around me. At the time however, I was so distraught I probably wouldn’t have minded if I had accidentally chewed off my own arm and fallen into a huge vat of lemon juice, salt and battery acid. Today, for the sake of learning to look back and laugh at myself, I thought I’d tell the world all about the day I like to call The Day Of Ultimate Suckiness. The following is the complete text from my journal.
I’m living in hell. My life is in ruins and everything I touch is turning around the bite me. Don’t believe me? Well, let me just tell you about my day and maybe you’ll do me the favor of putting me out of my misery.
My girlfriend, who I’ve been going out with for eight months, has just broken my heart. She says she needs ‘space’, but I found out the truth and broke up with her. You see, I found out that during the summer break she was sleeping with my roommate. Isn’t that special?
I am poor. So poor that I can’t afford to buy food and have been boiling basil leaves in water in the hopes that it will make a good soup. So far it’s not working and no, I’m not kidding.
I’m also so poor that I can’t afford to pay for my college classes. If I don’t get a job, and soon, I’m going to get thrown out of college.
I received a letter from college today telling me that I need a measles shot or I am not allowed to attend classes. I hope the shots free or I’m, well… shot.
My car has just died and I don’t have the money to get her fixed, so I might have to junk her. As if that isn’t bad enough, due to that little ‘accident’ last week my license has been suspended.
My one and only credit card is overdrawn. A lot.
I know it didn’t happen today, but yesterday my mother made me go to a family outing where I was put in charge of the nine small children and three dogs. I still have the migraine.
My other roommate, not to cheating bastard, brought a couch to the house today that stinks like mildew. He refuses to get rid of until we find a replacement couch, which we can’t do because we’re all very poor. So, because of this stinking, stupid couch, none of my friends will visit me at all. Stupid bastard.
The answering machine that my brother bought me as a house warming gift doesn’t work.
My plant is dying and nothing I do seems to be helping.
I’m a theater major.
And lastly, as I was walking down the street this evening a little girl pointed out to me that the pants I’ve been wearing all day have a hole in the crotch.
I want to cry. Somebody please kill me. I won’t even struggle.
Coincidentally, the date this all took place was 9/11. Funny, huh?
It’s strange, but even while all of this was going on I still managed to keep my sense of humor. My ability to laugh at myself, and to get other people to laugh at themselves, has served me well throughout the years. It’s gotten me out of fights, into jobs, through hard times and yes, even laid.
I’m especially proud of that last one.
When I tell the story about this day in my life it becomes a comedy, not an odyssey. Looking back, it all seems so trivial that I can’t help but laugh. Nothing that happened on that day changed my life forever or gave me new insight into my inner self. I took no journey, I learned no lesson.
I just took notes and moved on.
I really enjoy telling this story and most of the time my audience enjoys hearing it. It makes me feel good that I can look back on what at the time felt like the worst day of my life and laugh along with my audience as I relive it.
I’m positive that everyone out there has at least one of these stories to tell. Tell me, what’s your story?
oh boy oh boy oh boy. man. speechless. i’m really sorry, but glad that you find it amusing to share your stories. =)
i have no story…but i have this from 9.11.
Dude, you know most of my stories.. so dont even get me started.
Gah! Sorry about that, GeekMan. That’s a not good day. I wish I had something more poignant to say, but in the absence of that…”take Delmar here as your paradigm of hope.” I think it’s good that you can look back and laugh. That is a healthy trait. =)
What, no one has had a bad day that they look back on and laugh about? I’m the only one? No wonder everyone wants me to see a shrink, I’m the only SANE person on the planet.
And if I’m sane I pity all of you. Oh. The. Horror.
No, it’s just that inspiration is so rare at this time of the year, that they’re keeping their stories for their own sites! Makes perfect sense – and I think I’ll steal your idea too. (Once I’ve exhausted 1951.)