[ringing telephone – the clock says 8:43am]
GeekMan:
[groggily]
“Hello?”
Telemarketer:
“HELLO Mr. GeekMan! My name is Jackhole and I’m calling to offer you an EXCITING opportunity to have The New York Times DELIVERED TO YOUR HOME for the low, low price of only $3.99 for the first 8 weeks!!! And that INCLUDES the Sunday edition! Doesn’t that sound WONDERFUL, Mr. GeekMan?!”
GeekMan:
[thinking fast]
“Wait a moment… Jackhole, right?”
Jackhole:
“Yes sir, that’s my name! Jackhole!!!”
GeekMan:
“Well Jackhole, first off let me say I’m glad you called because the other day I was reading the paper and thought how nice it would be to have it delivered instead of having to go out and buy it every other day.”
Jackhole:
[audibly salivating]
“Well sir, that’s just GREAT!!!!!! Will you be paying with a credit card today, OR would you like us to bill you later?!”
GeekMan:
[smiling to himself]
“Woah… Slow down there, Jackhole. Not so fast. I want to hear about the other options first. You know; like if I only want the Sunday paper and not the other days’ papers delivered, or something like that. But more importantly, I’d like to know what it’s going to cost me if I continue to get the paper delivered past the 8 week introductory period.”
Jackhole:
[shooting his wad at the thought of such an easy sale]
“WELL Mr. GeekMan, I’d be HAPPY to tell you all about our delivery options!! Firstly, you can have the ENTIRE WEEK’S PAPERS delivered…”
GeekMan:
[barely able to hold back his laughter]
“Wait a second there, Jackhole! I can’t remember all this so I’m going to need to write it down. Can you hold on for a second while I go get a pen and paper?”
Jackhole:
[having a second orgasm at the thought of today’s commission check]
“Absolutely, sir!!!”
GeekMan:
“You hold on then, I found some paper here but I still need a pen. I’m going to get a pen and I’ll be right back, ok?”
Jackhole:
[probably wiping himself off with a tissue]
“OK sir! You GO GET THAT PEN and I’ll be here when you get back!!!!!”
GeekMan:
“Ok Jackhole. Don’t you hang up now, I’ll be right back. I promise.”
[GeekMan puts the phone on mute and goes back to sleep]
Telemarketers called me when I was living in my dorm as a freshman…before noon…I wasn’t ever awake enough to even play games with them.
I SWEAR I am using that trick next time they call me during dinner.
Dude, I’m still waiting for you to pick up.
Your way sounds way more fun. I just hang up….
I usually let them talk to my dog. When Arbitron called me up to ask if I would rate radio for them, I said I didn’t listen to the radio but “Max” does. How old is he? 84 in human years. We went through the whole enrollment process which was pretty entertaining. I never got the promised enrollment package however.
Good idea! I ussually just play along@