There is so much I wish I could talk about.
If I could speak, I might be able to tell you how spending the last month with my in-laws has been… interesting, to say the least. Were I able to utter the words, I might explain to you the massive differences between how our families show each other love; over-feeding people vs. humorously insulting people, for example. And I might also mention that what is normal for one household to do, even in their own home, might be interpreted as an insult to the others. Were I not under a gag order, I could mention in-law snore-offs during football games, some people’s inability to try new foods, their frightened dismissal of anything done differently from what they have done in the past and their complete lack of technical know-how that makes it impossible for them to properly use any household item from 1980 forward including, but not limited to; cooking using a Wolf stove, turning lights on and off using dimmer switches or operating a touchscreen TV remote. My current speech impediment keeps me from imparting to you the absolute insanity of someone I know of who might insist on using a $15 screwdriver to remove weeds from a patch of weed infested dirt that the homeowner has said many times over would be ripped up and replaced next summer with actual grass. I can’t possibly tell you about how some truly crazy people I know feel the need to collect every circular in the neighborhood on their daily morning walks only to loudly proclaim over breakfast how expensive everything is compared to where they live so maybe they should give you money because obviously you’re too poor to afford to eat. And, last but certainly not least, let us not forget how my zippered lips keep me from ever telling another living soul about all the ‘helpful’ advice on, and ‘constructive’ criticism of, the way HoBiscuit and I take care of the Mighty Baby.
Wow, the stories I could tell if only I could talk to you.
But I can’t.
Oh well, at least I can tell you that by next week I should really be back to a daily-ish posting schedule. And this time I actually mean it.
Oh, don’t try to hide that smile. I know that makes you happy.
I remember one time at MY in-laws’ place, the F-I-L asked me how high his thermostat can go. I looked and the highest setting for that particular brand thermostat is 85 degrees F. He then asked if I can make go higher. I thought for a moment and asked why he wants it higher. He said he didn’t want the A/C to turn on BEFORE 85 degrees. Oh, this was in AUGUST. And I bet you didn’t know that the dishwasher is a great place to put your just-hand-washed plates and utensils.