Sin Geeky

It was a beautiful movie.

With its glorious black and white palette punctuated by spots of color so vivid as to cause objects to literally leap off the screen and punch you in the eye, Sin City was everything a comic book turned action movie was meant to be. From the extremely cheesy dialogue, to the computer generated sets, to the outlandish wardrobe (mostly worn by the women), everything in the movie screamed graphic novel come to life.

And I was loving it.

I sat there, one row higher than the middle of the screen and directly in the center of the theater, marveling at the sheer cinematic genius of the film as I stuffed my face full of sugar and salt. I munched on my ultramaximumsupremeextralarge popcorn, drank my swimming pool sized soft drink and chewed on 2,200 Twizzlers as the movie entertained me without giving even a thought to what consuming such foodstuff would do to my delicate gastrointestinal tract.

And then Dwight and Jackie Boy conversed in the car.

This was a humorous scene. It was funny. Very. And I wanted to laugh and show my appreciation for witnessing such a clever scene in such a good movie so I opened my mouth and laughed very, very loudly.

Only, what came out was not a laugh.

As soon as I opened my mouth I knew I was in trouble. There was no question of softening it, or of closing my mouth again in the hopes of stifling the beast before it was birthed upon an unsuspecting world. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than to stop this creature from escaping the confines of my mouth and thus save myself from the embarrassment to follow, but I was too slow and weak and it was a mighty beast that would not be denied.

Before I even knew what had happened it was free.

It started loud and ended louder. It promised foul deeds carried on the wings of death for all gods creatures. Grown men in third world countries, powerful leaders and warriors all, looked to the sky in fear as the horrible sound of their childhood bogeymen on the hunt reached their ears. Children cried, women fainted and small woodland creatures died in shock.

“BbbBBbbuuUUUUuuRrrRRrppPPppPPpp!”
“Oh. My. God.”
“I’m sorry, Honey! Really! I couldn’t help it, it just came out!”
[giggle] “GeekMan, that’s disgusting!”
“But… but I didn’t mean to do it! I was laughing…”
[laughter] “I can’t believe you. You are such a caveman pig. I’m so embarrassed! [giggle] Everyone’s looking at us… Ugh, don’t even look at me. Pretend we don’t know each other, maybe they’ll take pity on me or something.”
“But it’s not my fault…”
“Shush, watch the movie. Pig. [giggle]”
“…”
“…”
“Pass the popcorn.”
“I want a divorce.”