Product Of The Century

You never know when inspiration will strike.

Last weekend, while sitting in a restaurant eating brunch, I overheard two young ladies discussing the sorry state of their dating lives. Now, by the way these two ladies were describing their sex lives, you’ll forgive me for first assuming they were auditioning for a new “Sex & The City” spinoff or something because between the two of them they appeared to be dating about 20 men at the same time. And yet, no matter how many men they dated in a month, they couldn’t seem to find Mr. Right. Even when they slept with their date’s roommate or brother.

Awwww… pity.

At some point the loud and increasingly annoying conversation suddenly turned into a discussion of the possible gayness of the men these ladies wanted to date, but as of yet had not. One lady would throw out a name to the other who would then voice her opinion on that mans possible gayness factor and then she would throw another name back at the first lady and etc., etc., etc.

Which got me thinking.

There are plenty of guys out there who seem very effeminate but who aren’t homosexual at all, and then there are the guys who are homosexuals but seem very heterosexual in their demeanor. I’m sure that right this very second, each and every one of you reading this are thinking of someone you know who has this problem, someone who seems to be sending out signals that don’t match with their claimed sexual orientation. And now you’re wondering how anyone will ever be able to tell unless someone is rude enough to simply walk up to the guy and ask him if he’s gay.

Luckily, I have developed a better way.

Through the miracle of science and CafePress, I have invented a method that will now and forever answer the age old question of a mans sexual orientation without the embarrassment one would face by actually asking. Quite simply, by using what I have been so clever to invent no one will ever question a man’s sexual orientation ever again. So, without further ado, I introduce to you The Wearable Gaydar Validators!

The Flaming Tee and the Manly-Man Tee!

So, if you or someone you know is a very effeminate but heterosexual man, they should buy (or you should purchase for them) the Manly-Man Tee. If they are a very masculine seeming gay man, they should buy (or, again, you should purchase for them) The Flaming Tee. Buy as many as you can afford, because it is up to you to help end the plight of all the mis-categorized men the world over. These poor, unfortunate guys are unable to fend for themselves and need your help to survive in the cutthroat world of the modern dating scene. Without these shirts, men the world over might spend the rest of their lives in their clean, minimalist and impeccably furnished apartments, or sitting in front of a TV on a stained black leather couch while eating pizza out of the cardboard box, wondering why they just can’t find their soulmate.

And that would be sad.