Phat Dude

Last week I met a dude.

Normally this wouldn’t be noteworthy because I meet many different people during the normal course of my average day. But in this particular instance I was meeting not just any dude, but The Dude. The infamous FatDude and his lovely fiancé, The Girl.

We met at a restaurant, which sounds normal. Except you’ve never met FatDude.

See, when you meet him you realize that FatDude isn’t anything like what you might have expected. For one thing, he’s phat, not fat. That’s phat with a PH because he’s hip to the lingo and a switched on mofo, bruh-thah.

Word.

Also, he and the Girl really are on diets. I can attest to that because after we got our menu’s they both whipped out calculators and began adding up food points like there was a giant meteor about to strike the earth and their only chance of survival was by figuring out the statistical odds of a myopic Asian long-horned beetle mistakenly impregnating a drunken Eskimo at a Frat party.

In August.

Well, other than the whole Phat vs. Fat thing, they were cool and I had fun meeting them. I just hope they didn’t get too scared when they realized I really was wearing tinfoil pants. I mean, The Girl did freak a little when I insisted they both put mayo in their shoes before I could shake their hands, but they both did it after I explained how the alien llamas who are keeping tabs on us can’t stand the smell of sweaty feet and mayo.

Well then, how else do you think I’ve kept them from abducting me again?! Duh!

So, now I’ve met more Bloggers than I ever thought I ever would and almost all of them have been polite enough to ignore my immense Geekiness for the duration of the BlogDate. So far they’ve all been sweet and nice and phat, but I do have one question for them, or anyone else out there who thinks they might ever want to meet me in person.

“What the heck are you thinking?!”

I’m not just any geek, you poor deluded fools, I’m The Mighty Geek! That means my Geekiness is like an infectious disease and you can contract it simply by being on the same planet as me! Save yourselves! If I should ever mention that I’ll be in your city, or even on the same continent, run! You don’t want to meet a freak of nature like me, trust me. And if you ever do meet me, do yourself a favor and take a hydrogen peroxide bath afterwards to remove any trace of my presence.

It’s the only way to be sure you’re safe.

—————

The answer.

Yesterday I left a clue as to where I’ve been the last few days. Unfortunately, my readership does not include anyone higher up on the intelligence evolutionary scale than a pile of wet sand and no one has figured out where I was. So, because I am headed out to yet another location this afternoon, I thought I’d give you the answer to yesterday’s Where’s GeekMan so you can all smack your heads against the wall and chant, “I’m an idiot” over and over again. Also, even though I know I’m not, it makes me happy to pretend I’m smarter than other people.

Especially you.

If you read the clue it should have been fairly obvious that I was in Orlando. Not only am I mentioning Daisy and Donald Duck, but I also mentioned orange trees, a magical park and wishing on a star. I also signed it Monsieur Bloom, which all the ladies should have guessed immediately was Orlando Bloom of LotR fame. Those of you who thought I was at the Swan hotel were very, very close, but not quite close enough. The giveaway was the overabundance of duck references and the mention of swimming with five of “Don’s friends” where everyone could see. If you Googled for “hotel ducks Orlando” you would have found the Peabody hotel right away.

Now aren’t you a little ashamed?

And, because I don’t want you to go away mad, here’s a picture of a happy, little girl watching the ducks frolic in the lobby fountain that I managed to take before her overprotective mother called the cops on me for taking pictures of her child without her permission and thus being a suspected pedophile/rapist.

BTW, nightsticks up your poop shoot hurt.