Sunday. 7:19am.

[ring. ring]

“Mmmhello?”
“GeekMan, it’s your mother.”
“OK. Hi mom. Wassup?”
“There’s a message I don’t understand on the thing and I need you to fix it.”
“…”
“GeekMan? Are you there?”
“Mom, you do realize that it’s 7:20 in the morning, right?”
“What does that have to do with my problem?”
“Nothing. But it has a lot to do with my problem.”
“Oh? What’s your problem?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“How can I be your problem?! I’m your mother!”
“Mom, I was sleeping.”
“Well then, get up. It’s beautiful outside.”
“You are very, VERY lucky I don’t own a gun…”
“GASP! That’s no way to speak to your mother!”
“grumblegrumblemutter…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing mom. Now, what’s the problem?”
“There’s a message-alert thing on my computer.”
“What’s it say?”
“Your virus protection subscription has expired.”
“OK, no problem. All you need to do is pay for another year of subscriptions and update the software.”
“Oh. Is that all?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I thought I had become infected or something.”
“No. You’re fine. Just click on the button that says ‘update subscription’ and follow the instructions.”
“OK. Thank you. You’re such a good boy.”
“Can I go to sleep now?”
“What? You don’t want to talk to your mother?”
“Mom, I was sleeping…”
“You never call me and whenever I call you you’re always so busy that you don’t even talk to me.”
“Mom…”
“You take me for granted, you know.”
“Mom…”
“We haven’t spoken for three whole days and you don’t even care.”
“MOM!”
“What?”
“Stop it with the guilt! It’s 7:30 on a Sunday morning! All I want to do is sleep!”
“Well, fine! But you really should get up and take your wonderful wife out on this beautiful day…”
“Mom, HoBiscuit is still asleep.”
“Oh, then you should stop making so much noise and let her sleep. She works so hard…”
“Mom, I’m going to hang up now.”
“Isn’t that always the way? I try to talk to you and you shut me out.”
“Goodbye mom.”
“Lazy, good for nothing…”

[click]

I have nothing of interest to say to you today.

Nope. Nada. Zippo. Nothing.

Really, I thought I would, or at least I thought I might be able to come up with something clever to say if I sat here long enough, but honestly, I can’t think of a single thing to say today to entertain you so you might as well move on to something better somewhere else.

…

Buh-bye, now.

Go on, get.

Shoo.

…

Don’t look at me like that!

What? What do you want from me? Do you want me to dance a jig for you? Would that make you happy? Would you go away then?

…

Fine! Here, look. I’m dancing a jig for you! Look at the stupid friggin’ Geek dancing his little monkey jig to entertain you. Look at me go! Happy now?! Huh?! Huh?! You happy now that you’ve made me into a dance monkey?! Are you?!

Oh, for crying out loud!

Stop crying! Come on! Stop it with the tears.

Why are you crying? Did I scare you with all the yelling? I’m sorry. Look, I’m not mad, ok? I’m not mad at you so you can stop crying now. Really. I’m not mad. Please stop crying.

Please?

Ok, better now? Good. See? There was no need to cry. Look, I’m smiling, see? That means I’m not mad. I’m happy, see?

Good, I’m glad you’re not crying anymore.

What? What are you pointing at…?

Why are you pointing at my feet?

Wha…? Oh, for chrissake!

No. I will NOT do it again.

NO!!!

Oh… dammit, stop. Stop… No crying. Come on, no crying.

[grumblegrumblegrumble]

Fine! Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll do the Geeky monkey dance again but only if you promise to leave me alone when I’m done. Ok?

Sigh, the things I do for you…