One Night In Geekdom

“What did you say?”
“What?”
“What did you just say?”
“When?”
“Just now. Did you call me fat?”
“What?! No!”
“Then what did you say?”
“I just asked if you wanted the rest of my steak because I’m full.”
“So, you think I’m a fat pig? Is that it?”
“What?!”
“Don’t play innocent with me, smartass. I know you and now you’re in trouble.”
“What the hell…?”
“Don’t talk to me.”
“Honey, have you been watching Oprah again?”
“Bastard.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Uhm… trying to give my wife a hug?”
“That’s not what you were doing.”
“It’s not?”
“Don’t try to lie to me, mister.”
“But I…”
“You were touching my waist!”
“Well, yeah. I was trying to hug you.”
“No you weren’t! You were trying to find my curves! You were touching my fat!”
“What?!”
“Yes you were! You can’t get out of it this time, don’t even try!”
“You’re fricking crazy!”
“Now I’m fat and crazy?! CRAZY?!”
“Honey, it scares me when your eyes pop out of your head like that.”
“I. Hate. You.”

“Move over.”
“Oh, are you talking to me again?”
“Don’t start. I just want to lay down on the couch and you make a nice pillow.”
“I what?”
“You make a nice pillow.”
“Wait. Did you just call me fat?”
“No. Not really. You just have a nice, soft…”
“Go on. Don’t stop now.”
“Well, you have gotten a little softer around the middle lately…”
“You’re calling me fat!”
“Oh come on! Be a man and take a little criticism, will you?”
“I don’t believe this!”
“What?!”
“I get an hour and a half of arctic winter for trying to hug you at a time you’re feeling insecure and yet you’re allowed to casually inform me that I’ve gotten so fat I can double as a human pillow?”
“Of course.”
“And I’m just supposed to just take that?”
“Well, yeah.”
“For frick’s sake, why?”
“Because I’m a woman.”
“But… sputter… I… sputter…”
“Quiet, the movie is starting.”
“But this just isn’t fair.”
“Life’s not fair. Now shut up and watch the movie.”

“Why are we watching an action movie?”
“Because.”
“But I don’t want to see an action movie. I want to see a girlie movie.”
“You get to throw psycho tantrums; I get to watch crappy movies.”
“Why?”
“That’s just how it is.”
“That’s not fair!”
“As a loved one once told me, life’s not fair. Now shut up and watch the movie.”
“Hmmph! Well, don’t you touch my fat.”
“I won’t. And don’t you touch my remote.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”

“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“Can we change the channel now?”
“Dear lord, yes! This movie sucks!”
“Look, Flip That House is on!”
“Quick, like a bunny!”
“Thank god!”
“Amen!”
“I love you, PillowBoy.”
“I love you too, PsychoGirl.”