Old Man At A Concert

I think I’m turning into an old man.

HoBiscuit my girlfriend and I are going to a concert next week. Not just any concert mind you, but a U2 concert. I’m not a big fan of U2 anymore, they went out of my life at about the same time as the Pet Shop Boys and OMD, but HoBiscuit my girlfriend loves them so I guess I’ll just have to suffer in silence. Most likely U2 won’t even play any of their classic stuff, like ‘Sunday, Bloody Sunday’ or ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’, so I’ll be forced to sit in my seat like a chaperone at a high school dance while HoBiscuit my girlfriend jumps around like a bunny rabbit on speed getting electro-shock therapy.

That’s a fun mental image.

I suspect we’ll be surrounded on all sides by young girls in teeny, tiny, this-is-my-naval shirts screaming, “This is my favorite song! EVER!” to each other while they hug and dance in place during the entire concert. Should Bono look their way, they’ll scream as only young girls can and begin crying tears of pure rapture.

“Did you see that? He looked right at me! Oh god, I love him!”

There’s nothing wrong with that, except I’m too old to enjoy watching these sweet young things anymore. When I was younger I used to love concerts. Especially rock concerts, where you were almost guaranteed a look at some really hot girls boobies as she flashed the stage. When I went to these concerts I usually spent my time looking at the audience and not the stage. I remember this one time when a girl decided flashing the stage wasn’t going to be good enough so she proceeded to throw her underwear up on stage.

Of course, she had to get them off first.

Anyway, I’ve reached the stage in my life where all I want to do is wrap my jacket around these girls’ shoulders and chastise them for ever leaving the house wearing such outlandish getups. I mean, do these girls’ parents know that their daughters are out and about in the big city wearing nothing more than a tube-top, a handkerchief and a pair of go-go boots?

By the way, the tube-top and handkerchief are interchangeable.

Sigh, I’m going to be the weirdo. You know, the guy who’s not actually old, but just a little too old to be at a concert? Yeah, that guy. HoBiscuit my girlfriend will fit right in. She’s still young enough to fit right in at these events and she even looks a lot younger than she is, too. She’ll probably be singing and dancing and having a great time. She’ll be mesmerized by the light show and put in a trance by the heavy base pumping out from the two-story tall speakers. She’ll add her voice to the thousands of screaming fans and she probably won’t even sit down the entire time U2’s on stage.

And me? I’ll be the guy trying to get her to put on a sweater.