Of Airplanes, Babies & Walmart

Flying with a baby is not fun.

On the plane to Arizona Saturday, MightyBaby behaved pretty well. She cried only a little bit and fussed only when she was hungry or tired. Unfortunately for HoBiscuit and I, MightyBaby didn’t like the idea of sleeping in flight and it took a lot of effort to get her to calm down and sleep instead of trying to walk at 30,000 feet or climb over the back of the seat of the guy trying to read his paper in front of us. When she finally went to sleep the flight attendant asked us if we wanted to celebrate with some alcohol… on her.

People applauded as we left the plane.

Actually, it wasn’t really that bad and MightyBaby was good for almost the entire flight. No screaming fits or bawling tears for her. She just fussed a little bit when she couldn’t get comfortable whenever we tried putting her to sleep. All in all, it was a very easygoing and mostly enjoyable trip. Except for needing to change her poopie diaper at 30,000 feet in the teeny, tiny bathroom compartment during turbulence.

I don’t think my hand will ever be clean again.

Now that we’re in Arizona though, we had to go to where HoBiscuit insisted all the locals go. That’s right, a Walmart Supercenter. When we first got inside I thought HoBiscuit would go into apoplectic shock. The store was huge! With dozens and dozens of choices of each type of item you might ever want. As an example of how in awe she was of Walmart, I give you the bacon aisle. When HoBiscuit saw a literal WALL of bacon, with about 50 choices of brand and another 5 or so choices within each brand, I believe she actually had an orgasm. She couldn’t stop talking about all the lovely, sweet bacon they had. And at such amazingly low prices.

Our actual conversation went something like this;

“OK, HoBiscuit. Your eyes are so big right now, they’re going to pop out of your skull. Let’s try to reel in your glee at being in such a big place a little and focus on the stuff we need, like diapers, baby food, some shampoo…”
“ZOMG!!! BACON!”
“Oh, dear lord.”
“GeekMan, look! Their bacon shelf space alone is bigger than our entire supermarket is back home!”
“Honey, we really need to get what we came for and get back to your parents’ place before the MightyBaby misses you and starts crying.”
“You aren’t listening! This is a Wall of Bacon!”
“Yes, yes. I heard you the first…”
“NO! Listen to me. This is Bacon! A giant, superhuge aisle devoted to sweet, succulent, tasty bacon. And it’s all so cheap!”
“I know how much you like bacon, but…”
“This is… [sob] it’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” [snif]
“Are you crying?”
“No. No, I’ve just got something in my eye.”

Well, at least I know where to take her on our twentieth anniversary.