- Wake up, scratch buttocks and fart.
- Go to the bathroom to shower.
- Look at face in the mirror, rub stubble and conclude that you will never, ever look like Harrison Ford.
- Cry softly.
- Lift left leg and fart again, just because.
- Shower.
- Sing an old Judy Garland tune while washing hair.
- Question your masculinity.
- Exit shower.
- Check out profile in mirror.
- Sob loudly at your pathetically flabby figure.
- Laugh as your love handles jiggle to the rhythm of your sobs.
- Cry again.
- Apply shaving cream to face.
- Make the obligatory ‘Rabid Dog’ face at reflection.
- Grrrrr. Mad dog! Mad dog! Grrrrr!
- Pick up razor blade and begin shaving.
- Fall to floor, screaming in pain and grasping your severely bleeding face.
- While lying in the slowly spreading puddle of your own blood, come to the realization that someone has been using your razor to shave their legs and underarms while you were away.
- Sob to yourself as you finally understand the full implications of living with a member of the opposite sex.
- Allow the darkness that is sweet unconsciousness come to take you away from all the pain.
- Fart.
My New Morning Ritual
& on that sweet smelling note..
welcome back =]
Better legs & Underarms than mustache, beard, chest & back. :P
hmm.
I thought the Rule was that the male used the female’s razor to shave their stubble, not the other way around.
Now I feel like a fool.
The wrong must be righted.
What is this thing with guys and farting?????!
So glad you’re back. I feared one of those long absences filled with the silence of ass scratching. (and yes, a tree WILL fall in the forest even if noone else hears you farting.)
Are you still going to marry her after that sneaky behavior?