We interrupt your regularly scheduled playtime for this PlayGround News Break…
“Good morning, I’m Johnny Livingston.”
“And I’m Suzie Kanion with today’s top playground stories. Today’s biggest story, was Mr. Gratzianni’s spelling test F-A-I-R?”
“That’s the question on everybody’s mind, Suzie. According to one source, this was “the most hardest test in the whole world.” Janie Lee, the undisputed champion of 4th grade spelling, is quoted as saying, “I can’t believe he wanted me to spell puissant! Isn’t that gross? I mean, I was fine with ‘cursory’ and even spelled ‘flagitious’ when he asked me to, but spelling a word as bad sounding as puissant was going too far! I’m telling my mom and he’s going to get fired for sure!”
“Despite repeated inquiries, PG News has not received any information regarding Mr. Gratzianni’s current teaching status.”
“Sounds like someone forgot to S-T-U-D-Y, huh Johnny?”
“Give it up already, Suzie. Janie beat you in the spelling bee last year fair and square. No need to be so mean.”
“You’re only saying that ’cause you like her.”
“Do not!”
“Do too!”
“Nyaa!”
“Nyaa!”
“Fine! Let’s just get back to the news, ok?”
“Fine. It’s your turn, poopyface.”
“Brat. Ahem. Today we have a PG News health exclusive. How you can protect yourself from the cafeteria’s recent outbreak of cooties today, and for years to come. But first, let’s get a weather and traffic report from our eye in the sky at the top of the jungle gym, Pete Vander. Petey?”
“Thanks, Johnny. Looking out over the playground, I can see nothing but sun for as far as the eye can see. The temperature is warm with a chance of hot, so hold on to your milk money. You’re going to need it.”
“Checking traffic now, I see that there’s a ten to fifteen minute delay on the slide, at least 10 minutes on the merry-go-round, but only a five to ten minute wait for the see-saw. There’s a rubbernecking delay by the tire swings where Brian and Betty are trying to kiss, so your best bet for fun right now is to head to the basketball courts and play Yu-Gi-Oh with the Geeks.”
“That’s all for now. Remember to check back for traffic and weather every school day at this time. I’m your eye in the sky, Pete Vander, now back to the studio with John and Sue. John?”
“Thanks Pete, perfect as always.”
“He’s such a cutey!”
“And you’re stupid!”
“I’m smarter than you are, Ugly Nose!”
“Are not, Four Eyes!”
“Which one of us passed the math test, huh Dummy?”
“That’s not fair! I haven’t learned fractions yet!
“Excuses, excuses. You’re just jealous, cause I’m so smart.”
“That’s it! I can’t work with this bratty girl anymore! I quit! I’m going home!”
“Baby, baby. Stick your head in gravy!”
“I’m not a baby!”
And now, a word from our sponsor.
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“Hi. My name is Stan Silverberg and I may not be a doctor, but my father is. And thanks to my father’s extensive medical knowledge, and a whole lot of money, I now have the world’s only official cootie cure available to you through this exclusive PG News offer. That’s right, the famous Circle-Circle, Dot-Dot Shot is now available to you for four easy payments of 25¢! Isn’t your continued health worth the paltry payment of one dollar? We hear at SCS Incorporated think it is, so come to our offices located at lunch table next to the out-of-order boys’ bathroom and get yours today!”
“The Official Cootie shot. Don’t leave the lunchroom without it!”
Wow!
I think I’ve got to get me some of that cootie cure! Heh.
Thanks to CootieShot, I managed to survive my first year of college!