Maybe something’s wrong with me.
This morning I saw Jessica Simpson’s “These Boots Are Made For Walking” video for the first time. Nothing special, right? Just another bad song being sung by another bad singer in yet another bad video on MTV. But this particular video has a stigma attached to it that merited my viewing.
You see, in the video Jessica Simpson wears a string bikini.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no Jessica Simpson fan. I happen to dislike her on the grounds that anyone who’s that stupid and that rich should by rights be ugly as sin. Hey, look at Anna Nicole before the fad diet. So, simply by existing Jessica defies the natural order of the universe and should be beaten with an ugly stick by schoolchildren outside of a different public school from 3:30-4:00pm every day until even the meanest kid feels sorry for her face.
That would set the universal karma back to right.
Anywaste, back to my mental meanderings. In this video, Jessica wears a tiny string bikini while teasingly washing the “General Lee”, the car from The Dukes of Hazzard movie in which she plays Daisy Duke. Normally, a sexy young woman wearing a string bikini and getting all kinds of wet on the hood of a car would encourage certain parts of my anatomy to stand up and take notice. But, much to my surprise, seeing her on my TV screen had the opposite effect entirely. In fact, when she leaned over the hood of the car exposing her barely bikini covered boobies to the camera, I came very close to vomiting last nights leftover tacos all over the couch.
As it was, I did get to enjoy their hot and spicy taste once again.
Here’s the thing that’s been bothering me all day. Is it normal for a guy to see a woman most would call sexy who’s writhing around in a wet bikini on top of a car and making come-hither eyes at the camera and, instead of sitting back and enjoying the view, he hastily clamps his lips together to suppress his gag reflex? Should I be worried about this? Should I see a specialist? What say you, oh readership of wise soothsayers? Am I going crazy(er)?
In other news, it’s fricking hot.
Yes. Er, um, No. Well, maybe.
My biggest problem with the video is, at the very beginning when Jessica gets out of the General Lee, she opens the door. If the movie is as loose on the Dukes of Hazzard facts as this video, I won’t even bother renting it when it hits DVD (‘cos there’s NO WAY IN HELLUBALOO I’m shelling out cash to see this one in theaters). Everyone knows that the General Lee from the TV show had doors that were welded shut, thus making Bo and Luke so much cooler by having to climb in and out of the window openings. Her remake of that song bites donkey balls, so at the very least they could get the car right? Still, Jessica is one hizzot beeyotch… I prefer to watch this one with the volume off.
I pooped in the General Lee’s Driver’s seat..
and then I went squish-squish.
I personally think there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes you need more then looks to get you going. Now looks and brains, there’s a winner for me!
I had the oppostite happen… while I am straight female, I found her to be so sexy in that video..