Medically Induced Epiphany #79834

It happens to me every morning.

You know how, when you’re in the shower, your mind seems to wander the great philosophical divide and come up with all those amazingly deep thoughts? You know, those great Questions Of Worth like, “What is the speed of darkness?” or “How do villains in movies always manage to recruit thousands of faceless henchmen who are willing to die for their cause?”

I mean honestly, they must have one heck of a good medical plan.

Anywaste, have you ever noticed that when you’re done with your shower and have dried off your fit and trim body and run to the computer to write those miraculous shower-inspired thoughts down, that you can never, EVER, remember what they were? They’ve simply disappeared, like morning mist, never to be recaptured again.

It’s enough to make you scream in frustration.

Well, I have some good news for all of you out there who suffer in silence from this great malady. I, GeekMan the Great, have finally figured out what we can do to reverse this process of epiphany-loss that is afflicting us all. It was a simple matter of carefully eliminating all external factors of influence until all that was left was the root cause of the problem. After hours of study, and over 28 showers, I have finally discovered what that root cause is.

Your towel.

That’s right, your towel. Don’t be fooled by its smooth, soft, Egyptian cottony goodness because that seemingly innocent towel is really an insidious weapon of thought control employed by the government to keep us free thinking citizens in check. Now, while I have absolutely no scientific proof to back up this theory, I do have the following observations;

• When I am in the shower I get wet.
• While I am wet I have thoughts of great intellectual and philosophical worth.
• These thoughts stay with me as I exit the shower.
• As I exit the shower I am still wet.
• I reach for the towel to dry myself off.
• … And a rift forms in the space-time continuum that sucks my ideas from my head and into the towel leaving only the sense of great loss behind.
• When I leave the bathroom I no longer remember my thoughts of great intellectual and philosophical worth and I am no longer wet.

These observations can lead to only one conclusion; the water used when showering somehow interferes with the mind-numbing, thought-control rays the government is beaming down on us from their satellites in space! And that towels help reassert control over us by sucking up not only water, but our thoughts, our hopes and our dreams.

Damn you, towels. Damn you to hell.

Luckily I’ve managed to avoid the government’s insidious plot and spread the word to all of you by simply refusing to towel myself off this morning. Now, I admit I’m a little cold sitting around naked and wet while it’s snowing outside, but at least I remember what I was thinking about in the shower. And that means I’m smarter than the government, even without my tinfoil lined pants.

Wait a sec! I just remembered I forgot to take my meds this morning…