It seemed so harmless at first.
Thursday night I went out with some friends for dinner at a restaurant I had never been to before. I ordered a wonderfully tasty 16oz steak covered with some type of garlic sauce. It did come with a side of unidentified green vegetables, but I was too busy shoving steak down my throat with a sawed off chair leg to notice what it was.
The waiter suggested using compressed air, but that gives me gas.
Walking down the street on Friday afternoon, I was struck by the sudden need to have myself a slice or three of pizza. Of course, in order to properly eat world famous Brooklyn pizza, one must add some ‘perfection enhancing’ condiments to the superheated slice of heaven on earth before one can fully enjoy eating it. Of course, I’m talking about some crushed red pepper and a little garlic.
OK, a lot of garlic.
Later that day, Mother Geek came over for a visit and I decided to cook a nice dinner for her and HoBiscuit. I chose to make my infamous garlic & pepper filet mignon and garlic mashed potatoes, with sautéed onions and spinach as a second side dish. The ladies and I ate everything on our plates and then spent the next two hours picking spinach out of our teeth.
Have you caught on to the pattern yet?
Saturday afternoon I had Chinese food, specifically chicken in garlic sauce. For dinner, I went to a favorite restaurant of mine and ordered a dish that has as its main ingredients, beef & garlic.
Ah, I can see the light coming on over your head.
To make this long story a little shorter I have had at least one meal a day for the last four days that has had garlic in it. And now it is early Monday morning and I am not asleep in my bed. I am not sleeping even though I should be and even though HoBiscuit is happily snoring away in dreamland. Why am I not in bed, you ask?
Because I stink.
I stink to high-frickin-heaven, I do. I used to love garlic, but I tell you garlic is no longer my friend. HoBiscuit has made it very clear that no one who smells like garlic will be kissing her good night tonight and no matter how many times I brush my teeth or gargle with mouthwash; I continue to smell like garlic. So, while I’m stuck here in front of the computer with the foul odor of garlic wafting up from my body like the dust cloud of dirt from PigPen in those Peanuts cartoons, I thought I might as well ask you folks a question; Do you think it was a good idea for me to eat the leftover garlic bread as a midnight snack?
Uh-huh, I thought so. Dammit.
Certainly was a good idea. Garlic is great stuff, and healthy too!
The bread would have tasted much better if you had served it with some dungeness crab sauteed with garlic and ginger. Really.
garlic can be considered a health food. :-O
it is also said to “flavor” bodily functions. to counterract the “flavoring”, it is said that eating fruits (especially pineapple) are supposed to make certain bodily functions taste better.
this may be helpful in the future for you/hobiscuit (but mostly you)
odd the things I know, isn’t it?
from the “for what it’s worth” department … parsley cures garlic breath (you can even get parsley pills at a health food store) … don’t ask me how I know this …
i love garlic, and cheese. i would kiss someone if they had garlic breath. garlic is good, and so is the flavor, and the aroma, and the texture, and the color. they should make garlic flavored cheese.
u r a weirdo