Interview #04

It’s time for another installment of Blogger Insider. Today’s questions are brought to you by Cynthia Korzekwa. She seems to be a very artistic, well traveled and intelligent woman so she’s probably very disappointed to have been paired up with me for this week’s questions. You can read my questions for her and her answers here.

1. What’s the importance of humor in daily life?

   Humor is the most important thing in the world. No matter how bad things might seem, no matter what the world might throw at you, you have to be able to find the humor in it or you’ll lose your sanity. I believe it was Mel Brooks who said, “When I see an old lady fall down an open manhole I laugh, because that’s comedy. When I get a paper cut on my pinky I cry, because that’s tragedy.”

2. What are the qualities in your girlfriend that you most appreciate?

   Probably that she has breasts. Oh, and sometimes she lets me touch them.

3. What do you eat for breakfast?

   What is it with these eating questions? Do you people think I’m made of money or something? To be truthful, I’ve gotten a little tired of licking the rubber soles of my Reebok’s so I moved up to eating these tasty paint chips off the wall. I think they’re really good for me too because after every meal I come up with some wonderful ideas for new inventions, like a rug made entirely of Koosh balls. Or my computer laptop/waffle iron combo device.

4. How would you compare Anime cartoons with Michelangelo’s cartoons for THE UNIVERSAL JUDGEMENT?

   First of all, neither good anime nor anything by Michelangelo should be called a cartoon. Anyone who believes that Pokemon is a true representation of anime needs to get themselves a copy of Akira or Ah! My Goddess as soon as possible. Now that we’ve got that clarification of the way I’ll answer your question. Anime can be beautiful, moving, inspirational and emotional. Everything that good art is supposed to be and yet, most people will still see it as only a cartoon. That is their loss because to me, the only difference between good anime and the paintings of Michelangelo is that one is on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and the other is framed on my wall.

5. Do you believe that there’s a difference between the way men create as opposed to the way that women create?

   Yes. My relationship lawyer has advised me that any attempt to explain my answer any further will probably lead to a ‘No Sex Ever Again’ class action lawsuit against me. I shut up now.

6. What are your Daily Aesthetics?

   Not really sure I understand this question. Are you asking me about my exercise regimen? Or perhaps you want to know what I see every day, what surrounds me visually. I really wish I could answer this, but unfortunately it’s dark and since I have no money and hence no electricity I can’t see enough to talk about my aesthetics. And lately, my only exercise has been clinching my sphincter in fear as I turn on my computer and pray that it won’t crash and thereby destroy my only creative outlet.

7. Why do you have a weblog?

   Mostly to entertain myself. Being a freelance graphic designer (hire me) means that I sometimes have hours, days, and even weeks (please, hire me) of free time on my hands. And rather than using those hands to hold a knife (hire me) and run amok in my local Kmart, I thought it would be more productive (i’m hungry) to do some writing. I also have this insatiable desire (it’s dark here) to be universally loved and admired. Unfortunately, I’ve found (i’m lonely) that to be impossible so I’ve decided to take over the world. This will be done in three stages:

   Stage one – create a web log.

   Stage two – ???

   Stage three – rule the world with an iron fist.

   I’m still working on stage two, but (have pity, hire me) stage one is working like a charm.

8. Has your enthusiasm for internet and web design ever interferred with you sex life?

   No. You have to have a sex life before something can interfere with it, don’t you? Well then, next question.

9. What’s the Photoshop effect that you use most?

   Drop shadows. No questions about it, drop shadows are the professional designer’s best friend. Want to impress the client? Whatever it is they’re asking you to do, just add a drop shadow to it and they’ll be willing to pay you double your asking rate. For some reason drop shadows give most clients woodies and hard nipples. Go figure.

10. As a child (or even now), what’s your favorite Halloween costume?

    About seven years ago I went to a Halloween party as Ash from the Evil Dead movies. I even had the chainsaw and the Boom Stick. Everyone loved my costume. I was damn sexy. Women swooned. Really.

11. What’s currently sitting inside your refrigerator?

    A very large roach, a sentient mound of mold, a rodent with a ‘Death To Kittens’ tattoo, and something that looks like leftover tacos from my Monday night dinner. They appear to be playing poker. The rodent seems to be winning, but I think he’s cheating and the roach is getting angry.

12. What do you think about Net Art? Do you follow any Net Artists?

    I haven’t really given much thought to net art. Actually, thinking about it right now I wouldn’t even know how to define net art. Does net art mean art created using only html, or would any artwork that’s posted on the web be considered net art? If it’s the former then I don’t know of any true net artists, and if it’s the latter then anything out there right now could be considered art. And there’s a lot out there that I would never, ever call art. Like dancing hamsters.

13. In your opinion, is there a relationship between aesthetics and ethics?

    I don’t know, but if there is then ethics’ husband is going to be really pissed off.

14. I loved your sentence: “If you’re female, try the ‘Let’s Just Be Friends’ speech. That always makes it shrivel up like a slug on a salt lick”. You like to write, take photos, create web designs….do you think that having all these interests have a tendency to make you dispersive OR that these interests work synergically and stimulate you to create more?

    Huh, huhuhuh. You said stimulate. Actually, I think that all of my interests are working together to remove the last shreds of intelligence and sanity from my mind. And the final $28.31 from my checking account.

15. You say that your don’t drink, smoke, do drugs….well, honey, you must have at least one vice. What is it?

    I like to buy expensive toys. Really. This drives HoBiscuit crazy, especially when she thinks the item in question isn’t worth the amount requested. And let me tell you, she never thinks something I want is worth it. Ever.

Well, that was fun. Now where’s my Boom Stick?