I figured it out.
I have done the impossible and discovered the perfect way for people to lose weight. No fad diets, no strange foods and absolutely no exercise required. You won’t be bending over for a choco-latte enema or strapping on some battery operated abs-shocker contraption either. And unlike my last weight loss idea, this time there will be no Do-It-Yourself Liposuksational Hoover Weight Remover Kit to send away for.
And for the record, I still think that was a pretty good idea.
My idea stems from the observation that people are stupid. I believe that doctors, pharmacists and physical fitness trainers are going about weight loss in the wrong way. The stupid way. We don’t need to do more exercise to lose weight; we need to eat healthy things. But instead of treating the problem everyone is treating the symptoms.
This is where my idea comes in.
I think that what the world needs to lose weight is a new pill that will completely screw up the normal human perception of taste. Something that will make sugar taste like boogers and chocolate like kangaroo droppings. We need a drug that will make all those cardboard/Styrofoam rice cakes taste more like pizza. Anything with tofu or cauliflower will become as irresistible to people as a three flavor ice cream banana boat sundae. Want a snack? Try some of this raw spinach! Thanks to my new drug that spinach will taste just like steak! Water will taste like coffee! Orange juice will be the new beer! Asparagus, tomatoes, rocks, dirt! They’ll all taste frickin awesome!
Strangely, guacamole will still taste like crap, but no one will care.
I think it’s high time someone brought this important insight into weight loss to the public and luckily I’m just the guy to do it. And I’ll have you know that we here at Geek Labs are working day and night to concoct this new miracle drug because we hope to patent it and then sell it to a large pharmaceutical company for billions.
What can I say? I’m frickin greedy.
this is awesome. i really like your site. it inspired me to get a moveable type thing and a blogrolling thing too. i use it in my own site. i hope to someday be as good as you and also have rockin fat pill ideas like that. my version of a good diet was a picture of an entire family of fat people on the fridge and on all the cupboards.
Sadly, while eating better is a good idea if you make those foods “irresistable” you won’t address the problem that really plagues the nation. We eat too much. You can live off of nothing but Krispy Kremes, and not gain any weight, but you can only eat enough to fulfill your daily calorie intake requirements.
The best way to lost weight is to address the problem, I agree to that, but there are multiple problems.
1- We don’t eat healthy food.
2- We eat too much food for our activity levels.
To fix these problems you need more than one solution:
1- Eat more healthy food
2- Eat just enough food according to your activity levels
3- Exercise, increase your activity level, so you can in effect eat more and still be healthy.
But what do I know, I drink too much soda and eat too many sweets.