I Feel Like Suicide

OK, so how many of you thought I was dead?

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not dead yet. In fact, I’m alive and kicking despite the best laid plans of my clients and their nigh impossible demands upon my mind, body and soul. My physical health may be in tatters, my mental stability may be fraying at the edges and my emotional well being may be spiraling down the crapper of personal self hatred, but I want all of you to know that YOU were first and foremost in my mind during the last month and all I’ve thought about was getting back to you so I could brighten your day with my daily writings about my pathetic life.

So, let me catch you up on my life… using convenient bullet list format!

• Not counting NY, I have visited four cities so far this year for work. All four are now under quarantine or have been declared national disaster areas by the US Department of Anti-Geekiness.
• A close friend had a baby boy on January 7th. Congratulations V & A!
• After living in our apartment for 6 whole months, HoBiscuit and I can finally unpack our belongings this weekend. Just in time for the SuperBowl.
• Despite Mother Nature’s greatest attempts to the contrary, I survived the Great Winter Snowstorm of 2005 without once succumbing to the urge to kill, skin and devour my neighbors children to stave off starvation. However, little Timmy’s dog Kiki will be sorely missed.
• I caught the flu not once, but twice in three weeks. Currently, my white blood cells are on strike until I find a way to pay them all the overtime they accrued as I lay praying for death in various hotel rooms across the country. And hey, if you were sick this month and aren’t sure how you caught your cold, feel free to blame me for your agony. HoBiscuit sure does.

So, now you know how crappy my month has been. How was yours?