Seeing Is Believing

I used to love taking a shower.

Waking up in the morning has always sucked for me, I’ve never been what you’d call a morning person. Some of my best days began when I woke up after 11am, and I can’t think of a single night of fun that ended before 2am. I was what you might call a Night Owl, able to stay up and party all night without getting tired. Mornings though, are my personal kryptonite.

Until my morning shower.

My daily shower was the one thing that made my sleep addled brain start firing neurons again. I would stumble into that glass-encased box of pure morning bliss and wash the sleep right out of me. It was really quite amazing, actually. Kind of like that old Coast soap commercials where the guy wakes up in a grumpy mood but the scent of the soap wakes him up and he’s ready for his day. Hey, some people need their caffeine, some people need the morning newspaper and I need my morning shower.

Or at least I did.

You see, last year I got laser eye surgery and although you wouldn’t think it, that one thoughtless act has ruined my mornings forever. It used to be that I couldn’t see anything clearly until after my shower, when I put on my glasses to get dressed. But now… now, it’s all different. Now I can see when I take a shower. Now I know, and seeing and knowing has completely destroyed my life. You see, one year ago, for the first time I could clearly see my pubic hair… and the white hairs hiding there that were laughing at me because I’m old. Old, and possibly stupid. Maybe even senile. But definitely old.

I can only pray for early cataracts.