Fun With Memes

This is my own interpretation of a meme that was going around all the popular Blogs a while ago. Here are 9 things about me that aren’t true and one thing that is.

1. I have webbed feet which, contrary to popular belief, does not increase my swimming speed.
2. I am a natural blonde, but I painstakingly dye my own hair dark brown with some sprinkles of silver at 4am every morning to fool my friends and family.
3. I have no nose hairs whatsoever.
4. My favorite pastime is going to the petting zoo to feed the orangutan’s and ride the llamas.
5. I maintain this website purely for my own enjoyment. The thoughts and opinions of my visitors are completely unimportant to me and have no influence at all on the content and/or regularity of the postings. So there.
6. Although many people believe I am a man, I’m actually a highly intelligent, trained African Gray parrot named Binkey doing an elaborate, government sanctioned, super-secret experiment on the uses of Blogs in coercing the general public into buying more three-ring binders and college ruled paper. America’s economic superiority depends on my success.
7. I have never had an alcoholic drink, taken an illegal drug or smoked a cigarette in my life. Makes me even scarier, huh?
8. After subjecting myself to the poisonous bite of a radioactive spider I can say with authority that having radioactive blood will only lead to an extended stay at your neighborhood hospital’s Radiation Treatment Center, and not to super powers and the ability to ‘catch crooks just like flies.’
9. Bread is a real person.
10. Due to a traumatic, childhood experience, whenever I see corduroy pants I become very frightened and can do nothing other than point at the crotch of the person wearing them, cross my legs in agitated sympathy and softly whisper, “You’re going to buuuuurrrrnnnnn. Burn, burn, burn.”

So, which one do you think is true?