First of All, Where’s the GeeK?

Dear GeekMan:

Blah blah blah, you’ve got a new place to live. Whatever. Like that makes a speck of difference to me, here in California. The fact is, the internetisphere has slowed nearly to a standstill during your rude abandonment of your site and your readers.

We’ve tried to a. be patient, and b. make meager attempts to keep your site updated in your absence (and I do emphasize the meagerness of our efforts–but hey, I’m not updating my own site at all, so that makes it seem that I’m posting nonstop with yours.) But the truth is, not a single one of your readers (and we seem to be certain that there are at least seven of them) cares one whit about your guest posters. They come here everyday with the desperate hope that you and your past(r)y minions will have returned.

Anywaste, as you would say if you were here (but you’re not, and why is that exactly?), I’ve got a few other things to talk about while I’m logged in. Like the woman I had a work meeting with today who said that she “dibbled” in writing, when what she meant was that she “dabbled”. I proceeded to buy her book (because I’m a sucker like that,) and I can tell you now that she was correct in calling it dibbling. Indeed, it’s dibbling down my chin right now.

Then there was the guy I met with this week who thinks I’m going to kiss his feet and hand him an empire, in order than he be able to build on the empire he already stole. I’m going to pretend to hand him my empire while I simultaneously go about undermining his. I can’t wait to witness his surprise, though my dastardly plan will take some time to execute. There’s never a rush when you wish someone ill, however. Like Tony Soprano, I believe that revenge is like serving coldcuts.

In closing, I would like to say that if I call your house and ask to speak with your five year old daughter, I am not interested in a return phone call from you. I have no interest in you, unless you can prove that yesterday was your first day of kindergarten, and not your daughter’s.