Dear Diary

5:18am
Wake up to use bathroom. Since I’m up anyway, check mailbox for package from Amazon containing Halo 2. Curse mail carriers everywhere for not making midnight deliveries. Sheepishly crawl back to apartment when nosy neighbor sees me crying on the hallway floor in my Cuddle Bear pajamas.

6:12am
Consider checking mailbox again, “just to make sure”.

7:21am
Told by HoBiscuit that if I don’t stop humming the Halo theme song and let her sleep she’s going to shove a REAL rocket launcher in my anus. Sideways. And then fire it.

7:32am
New discovery; rocket launchers HURT.

9:43am
While in shower I thought I heard the mail carrier’s truck. Ran downstairs wearing nothing but a towel and wetness only to discover that it was a school bus filled with teenage girls and not the mail truck. Needless to say, no Halo 2, but I did rediscover the joys of high school ridicule. Yay.

10:10am
Found a comfortable seat at the window overlooking the street and waited for the mail truck to bring me my Halo 2.

10:12am
No Halo 2.

10:27am
Still no Halo 2.

10:41am
Still waiting.

10:43am
Why am I still Halo 2-less?

10:51am
Guess what? That’s right! No Halo 2.

11:00am
I give up. Apparently I will not be getting my Halo 2 today. Life can be so cruel. Maybe I need to reevaluate my life? Maybe I shouldn’t be so obsessed with what really is only a stupid game. Yeah! Who needs Halo 2, anyway? I mean, it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get my copy of the game this week, right? I can certainly go a week or two without… OMG! I think that’s the mail truck! Halo 2 might be in there! Gaming bliss and everlasting happiness here I come! YEE-HA!

11:13am
Stupid, empty-handed, Halo 2-less mail carrier. I fart on you.

11:25am
I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow?